STAR WARS Episode I: The Phantom Menace by George Lucas Directed by George Lucas. Produced by Rick McCallum. Written by George Lucas. Distributed by 20th Century Fox. Final Draft: September 1, 1997 LUCASFILM LTD. ---------------------- A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away... It is a time of peace. The citizens of the galaxy, having forged a great society after centuries of inter-planetary war, thrive under the protection of the noble Jedi Knights. The halls of the Imperial Senate, under the influence of the soft-spoken Senator Palpatine, fill with a quiet rumbling that has begun to shift the distribution of power in his favor. Meanwhile, above the planet Coruscant, a small cruiser slips past the planet's security patrols in an secret operation that will alter not only the course of the planet, but of the entire Federation as well... EXTERIOR: GALAXY -- PLANET CORUSCANT A ship flies down to the planet. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- PALACE -- DUSK The craft hovers over the ancient marble courtyard for a few moments as the landing gear covers slowly slide open. Jets of smoke bellow from the ship's repulsor lifts and enshroud the area with a bluish glow. Suddenly, a barrage of laser fire erupts from the palace showering the courtyard with red hot beams that crackle as they strike the ship and surrounding areas. The engines roar as the ship pivots and shoots away in a hurry. The smoke begins to clear revealing seven figures crouched in the darkness. After a moment the small central shadow makes a gesture to the others. Like bugs, they scurry towards the palace at an amazing speed. Seconds later the palace begins to fire again. This time the bolts are met with blazing lightsaber blades as the attackers draw almost instantly to parry the blasts. Bursts of colored light explode from every deflected shot as they leap over the walls onto the terrace. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- PALACE -- DUSK The invaders storm into the palace finding little resistance as they make their way to the main hall to discover the young princess sitting calmly upon her throne. The attackers stop for a moment and with an hissing electronic snap, switch their lightsabers to a blazing white. As if signaled, thirty guards wearing the black tunics of the Jedi Knights materialize from the shadows. They stand silently with drawn weapons. The band of attackers seems to contract like an animal preparing to strike. Then, a raspy grunt causes the group to snap apart, thrusting its individual members into battle. A cacophony of clashing blades ensues as the enemies meet in fierce combat. The small, cloaked figure waits silently as, one by one, the Jedi are felled by the remaining troops. Even with multiple opponents, the attacking forces quickly overwhelm the Jedi until the floor is covered with them. One last figure remains standing in front of the princess brandishing his lightsaber with stalwart determination. SMALL FIGURE: Enough! You must know when you are beaten. The young man slowly lowers his saber in defeat and looks to the princess. He quickly turns his eyes away in shame. SMALL FIGURE: You have much to learn young Kenobi. The attackers disperse as the small cloaked figure approaches Obi Wan. He pulls back his cloak to reveal the wizened green visage of Yoda, an Eight hundred and Sixty year old Jedi Master. His long silver hair is pulled back and fastened by a large samurai-like topknot. Obi Wan kneels in front of him as Yoda places a reassuring claw on his student's shoulder. Obi Wan looks at his Jedi comrades, stunned and lying in heaps, and clenches his fist. OBI WAN: I am sorry, Master Yoda. Today you have witnessed my greatest failure. Yoda nods at his student thoughtfully. YODA: We shall see. INTERIOR: TATOOINE -- SKYWALKER KITCHEN -- MORNING Anakin Skywalker sits at an oval shaped table eating breakfast while his mother Shmi prepares food for the rest of the family. Anakin looks unhappy as he prods his meal with his utensil. We find them in the middle of a conversation. ANAKIN: It's not fair! SHMI: Just eat your protein sticks, Anakin. We have reached the end of this discussion. ANAKIN: But why does Owen get to? He doesn't even like going off planet. SHMI: Because Owen is older than you are. In a few seasons it will be your turn. Anakin crosses his arms in defiance. ANAKIN: I've heard that one before. Shmi quickly turns to him with a scolding look. She threateningly shakes a root she is holding. SHMI: Don't you take that tone with me young man. Anakin sinks down in his chair and mutters under his breath. ANAKIN: I'll show you. I'll get there all by myself. Shmi pretends she doesn't hear and returns to her work. With a whoosh the door slides open. Walton Skywalker enters with Anakin's brother Owen close behind. Walton cheerily strides over to kiss his wife on the cheek. She smiles coyly as he does this. Owen sits across from his brother and they briefly kick each other under the table as they battle for leg territory. Anakin gets the last kick just as their father turns around. WALTON: Well, it's all settled. In less than a week Owen and I will be going to the galaxy's biggest vehicle exposition of the year. There will be speeders, shuttles and even those enormous freighters that the Corellians designed. We certainly could use one of those. Right, mother? Shmi smiles. SHMI: No we could not. Walton ignores her, moves to sit at the table and continues. WALTON: And Anakin, I'll bet they'll even have that new T-7 Skyhopper you've been reading about on the data-comm. I may even take it for a test flight. Shmi clears her throat loudly. Walton looks at her and suddenly remembers the situation. He quickly changes his demeanor. WALTON: Of course, we probably won't have time for that. Anakin looks out from under his shaggy blonde hair with a slight pout on his lips. WALTON: Yes, I suspect that it will be nothing but vaporators and farm machinery for us. Right, Owen? Owen is excited by this. OWEN: Oh yes, father! I've heard they have a whole building just for moisture farming. Walton pats Owen on the head. WALTON: I'm happy to see you so excited about our work. Walton looks thoughtfully at his son Anakin. WALTON: It is work you know. We need some new equipment if we want to keep this farm going. Anakin says nothing. Walton sighs. WALTON: I know how you feel, son. But with your condition it's best that we wait. I'll take you along next time. Besides, someone has to stay here and help your mother with things. Anakin rises to his feet to protest. ANAKIN: Why can't Owen stay? I'm tired of always missing out. He's not even... Both parents flare up suddenly to cut the boy off. WALTON: Now we will have none of that! Your mother and I have spoken to you before on that subject and I don't want you bringing it up again. OWEN: What subject? Shmi noisily drops a pot of water and it clatters to the ground making a large, wet mess. SHMI: Owen, would you please help me with this. OWEN: Yes, Mother. Owen hops off his chair and goes to the closet for a mop. Walton reaches over the table and pushes Anakin back into his seat. WALTON: Not another word. Owen returns with a mop and begins to soak up the water. He seems oblivious to the silence that has fallen over the room. OWEN: I can't wait. With that new equipment, we'll have the most successful farm on Tatooine. Anakin looks down at the floor in anger. ANAKIN: Farming sucks. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- JEDI TRAINING CENTER -- MORNING The young Jedi, Obi Wan Kenobi, watches as his fellow students spar with their lightsabers in rigid formation. Their repetitive, simultaneous motions create a heavy pulse of sound with every thrust and parry. Central to the area is a weatherworn stone statue of a large bird of prey. Obi Wan sits between its huge outstretched talons making notes in a small paper pad with a glossy, black stick. Looking up, he finds QUI-GON, a Jedi Master and teacher at the academy, walking towards him. Obi Wan snaps his book shut and begins to get up. QUI-GON raises his hand. OBI WAN: Master QUI-GON... QUI-GON: Please remain seated, Obi Wan. I've come to speak to you as a friend. Obi Wan settles back down as QUI-GON finds a spot on the statue to sit. OBI WAN: I suspect you have heard about the training maneuver? The Jedi master smiles kindly. QUI-GON: I have indeed. Master Yoda reported the results to the council this morning. Obi Wan shakes his head. OBI WAN: Wonderful, I assume that means six more months of training for my men. At this rate we shall never be ready to become the Princess' Royal Guard. QUI-GON: Patience, Obi Wan. With each passing day you grow more able. Are you not aware of how well Yoda speaks of you? Even in the tale of your defeat it was evident that he was most proud of your individual performance. OBI WAN: But the test was of my leadership. I foolishly assumed that our sheer numbers would be enough. Even though we knew when and where the attack would be we were overcome by only a handful. And to think the princess convinced me to use her as a lure. In reality she would have been captured or worse. QUI-GON: We both know that is unlikely. With her powers I question whether she even requires protection. OBI WAN: Is that how the council feels? QUI-GON: Of course not. Don't worry, they are eager to fill the position. We haven't lost faith in our most talented student. OBI WAN: Thank you, Master QUI-GON. QUI-GON: And I know how you feel about the princess. I can't imagine we would find a better protector. Obi Wan says nothing but is clearly reticent in this area. QUI-GON: However, there are more immediate matters at hand. Yoda and I have decided to arrange an excursion to a remote planet of the galaxy for some survival exercises. You should tell your men to get ready. We leave tomorrow morning. Obi Wan gets up as QUI-GON also rises. OBI WAN: Where are we going? QUI-GON: That I cannot tell. Just be prepared for anything. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- MARKETPLACE -- MORNING An R2 unit beeps worriedly as it rolls past stalls of exotic foods and animal by-products. Various alien races, humanoid and otherwise, sell and purchase a variety of wares. The little machine is barely noticed as it dodges in and out of the crowd with surprising agility for an astromech droid. Traveling on the other side of the market are Anakin, Owen and Kenner. They don't see the droid until Anakin is knocked off his feet as it blindly plows into him. During the impact, a small hatch pops open on the side of the robot and a silver tube tumbles out. Anakin begins to dust himself off. ANAKIN: (looking up) Hey! Watch where you're going. Stupid droid. The robot beeps a rude reply and wheels away in a hurry. Owen helps Anakin to his feet. KENNER: That thing needs to have its etiquette chip replaced. I can imagine what its owner is like. ANAKIN: Probably some rich trader. They think they can come in here and take over the whole planet. OWEN: (proudly) Not while us farmers are here! ANAKIN: Shut up, Owen. The three boys start on again but something catches Anakin's eye. He reaches down to pick up the object the R2 unit had dropped. He holds it up in the sunlight to examine its shape. OWEN: What is it? ANAKIN: I don't know. It looks like a flashlight. Kenner grabs the end of the tube and peers inside. KENNER: I don't see any bulb. It's so bright out here I don't think you could tell even if it was on. The boys shuffle over to a particularly shady stall. The alien owner, a real shark of a salesman, is on top of them instantly. His widely spaced eyes gleam like black pearls bulging from his taught blue skin. MOMAW: (loudly) Well, my fine young fellows, what can I interest you in today. Perhaps a fresh piece of Gunda fruit to bring home to your mother? (under his breath) I've got six boxes of mini blast packs for only ten credits. Strap one or two on a wamp rat and enjoy the show. (loudly again) Or maybe some of my fine leather jackets, it can get dreadfully cold on those dark desert nights. (whispering) Special on thermal detonators, today only. How many do you need? ANAKIN: Ah, no thanks. Were just looking for some shade. Anakin holds the metal object over the counter and into the darkness of the stall. He fumbles with the switch on the side. MOMAW: (loud) Oh, You wish to trade for some of my Kashyyykan rugs? (soft) These water rockets from Calamari are selling so fast I haven't even had time to save a few for myself. Anakin ignores him as he struggles to activate the object. KENNER: What good is a water rocket on Tatooine? MOMAW: Just look at this... (slightly surprised) Pardon me? KENNER: You said they were selling fast. Who on this planet could even use a Calamarian water rocket? They don't call it the Dune Sea because it's like a boring, incoherent science fiction movie. MOMAW: (irritated) Yes, well that's beside the point. These things are selling like hot cakes. KENNER: Now it's hot cakes is it? Sell a lot of those too I'll bet. There's nothing like downing a heaping pile of syrupy hot cakes just as the temperature hits about One hundred and Thirty degrees. Anakin is still having no luck. MOMAW: Now listen here you little shmenkel, I've heard just about enough. KENNER: Just about? Well, let me know when you've reached your limit. MOMAW: I suggest you little buggers shove off before I do something very nasty to you. ANAKIN: Just a minute. KENNER: Yeah, take it easy, Hammerhead. MOMAW: Right. That's it. I'm calling security. Just as Momaw reaches for a large comlink fastened to the side of the stall, Anakin activates the lightsaber with a gentle thumb press. Its blood-red blade shoots instantly out of its handle and cleaves the unsuspecting alien neatly in half. The upper half of its torso hangs grotesquely from the spot where its long, bony fingers cling to the comlink. The three boys stand in utter shock. A few silent moments pass until they finally speak. ANAKIN: Cool! KENNER: Holy cow! OWEN: I want to go home. In an instant, Kenner hops over the stall to inspect the body. He is careful not to get too close lest he become covered in spurting alien fluids. KENNER: You killed him! Anakin looks at the lightsaber in awe, then at the alien corpse, then back at the lightsaber again. ANAKIN: Yes! OWEN: Come on, Anakin, let's go. KENNER: Stop being such a baby. It was only old Hammerhead. Kenner removes his pack and begins stuffing it full of assorted incendiary devices. Anakin continues waving the lightsaber around, listening to its quiet hum and soothing crackles. OWEN: I'm leaving now. (stepping away) And I'm telling mom. Anakin snaps out of the haze he is in. ANAKIN: No, wait a minute. Let's go down to the junkyard and test this out. KENNER: Can we stop at a nerf bowl stand on the way? I didn't have breakfast today. ANAKIN: Only if you have credits. We can't just go around killing everybody to get what we want. KENNER: Why not? Anakin thinks for a moment. ANAKIN: Because I don't want to get in trouble. That's why not. If you want to kill somebody get your own laser sword. KENNER: Fine, be greedy. Anakin turns around to find Owen skulking off towards home. He runs to catch up and grabs him by the collar. ANAKIN: Where are you going? OWEN: Home. ANAKIN: Come on. Let's go have some fun. Owen turns quickly to scold his brother. OWEN: We can waste time with our friends when our chores are done. ANAKIN: (grabbing Owen's arm) Our chores can wait. The boys begin to grapple with each other until they see two alien security officers coming their way. Both look over at Kenner who is struggling to turn off the alarm he inadvertently switched on while rummaging through the street vendor's stand. OWEN: Oh that's just great. The officers hasten their stride. Anakin looks back to see Kenner climbing over the alien body with his pockets stuffed full of contraband. Owen is clutching his arm with fear. The two security guards arrive at the stall just as Kenner reaches Anakin and Owen. KENNER: (whispering) Try to act casual. The all turn to slowly walk away. One of the guards catches sight of them. SECURITY GUARD: Hey! ANAKIN: Run! The group breaks into a sprint as the two guards begin pursuit. Tearing through the marketplace leaving a trail of destruction in their wake, Kenner begins dropping small bombs along the way in an effort to slow the guards down. Most find their way into stalls and carts, exploding their contents while their owners run for cover in confusion. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- ALLEY -- MORNING The boys turn down an alley that leads to the construction zone. They stop suddenly when they find a enormous land mover machine blocking the other end. It sits on stubby iron mounts that drive themselves into the ground for stability. OWEN: They saw us come this way! Anakin climbs to the top of the land mover and pulls on the entry hatch. He is breathing heavily. OWEN: Hurry up! ANAKIN: It's locked! KENNER: Blow it open. Kenner reaches into his pocket and produces what appears to be a small plastic explosive. ANAKIN: I've got a better idea. Anakin activates his newfound weapon and holds it in front of him. Just then, the two guards come racing around the corner at top speed. They quickly turn and jump for cover as Kenner hurls the explosive charge he is holding. KENNER: Eat this, walrus man! The pack hits the ground with a thud. The guards cover their heads and wait for the explosion. Anakin wastes no time in cutting a large hole in the land mover's metal canopy as Owen and Kenner climb on board. He clicks off the lightsaber and helps Owen up. One by one they dive into the cab of the land mover. Anakin looks over the controls as Kenner looks over the panel and out into the alley. The explosive pack is lying on the ground. The guards stare at the object. It becomes silent and still. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER KENNER: It must be a dud. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- ALLEY Suddenly the alley is filled with a bright blue light as the device explodes sending a shock wave of color in all directions. The boys duck under the console as the whole area begins to rattle. The sound blooms as it encompasses them then quickly fades leaving a low resonant hum. The boys peer out of the window to see the damage. It appears that the bomb had no effect until they notice that the guards are nowhere to be found. INTERIOR: LAND MOVER OWEN: You killed them too! Anakin is gasping for breath. ANAKIN: Maybe they just... gave up. OWEN: Oh you are going to be in so much trouble when mom and dad find out. Anakin gives his brother an evil look. ANAKIN: If we get caught its YOU who won't be going to the starship event of a lifetime. OWEN: It's a farming equipment exposition! ANAKIN: Either way you'll be standing in the middle of a sandstorm next week instead of with father. OWEN: At least I won't be locked up for killing people. ANAKIN: Those weren't people. They were aliens. KENNER: Hey! My mother's an alien! ANAKIN: Sorry, Kenner, I just meant... EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- ALLEY Before Anakin can finish, a blue and white security speeder appears in the alley with flashing lights and blaring sirens. The large cannon turrets mounted on its sides rotate and take aim. A loud electronic voice rings out. SPEAKER: Drop your weapons and exit the vehicle. You are in violation of penal code 1138. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER KENNER: Penal code?! OWEN: It's not what you think. Anakin grasps his chest with one hand while releasing the brake lever with the other. ANAKIN: I am not going to get caught! Owen and Kenner are thrown to the floor as Anakin switches on the power to the land mover's hydraulic arms. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- ALLEY The machine groans as the center rises from the ground supported by the two enormous metal shafts. The speeder begins firing as they move forward. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER OWEN: Wrong way! EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- ALLEY The machine moves as a giant mechanical ape, using its arms like hairy knuckles to propel itself. The base of the machine serves as a center of balance as they lurch forward. Its arms stop their parallel movement as Anakin hits the reverse switch. Instead of the land mover turning around, the entire cab suddenly spins One hundred and Eighty degrees until the speeder is behind them. KENNER: Go! EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- CITY STREET The cab shakes violently each time it is hefted forward and then is thrust to the ground. The boys are thrown about as the machine lurches forward with ungainly abandon. The sound of pounding metal is matched only by the wheezing cacophony of the hydraulic system. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER Anakin adjusts the myriad of controls with uncanny speed. OWEN: Where are we going? ANAKIN: The Jundland wastes. Even Mos Espa security won't mess with the Sandpeople. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- CITY STREET A loud explosion rocks the mover to one side as it receives a missile blast from the speeder. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER The boys scramble to one side of the cab in a vain attempt to maintain its balance. Their actions have little effect yet the bulky machine manages to right itself by adjusting its servos in a wild display of swinging metal legs and by activating a small thruster compartment on its side. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- CITY STREET The security speeder's speaker system snaps on again. SPEAKER: This is your final warning. You are in possession of stolen Savvasian equipment. Stop now or we will resume firing. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER ANAKIN: Kenner, do something about them please. KENNER: Aye aye captain! ANAKIN: (shooting him a look) Don't act silly. EXTERIOR: LAND MOVER -- CANOPY Kenner climbs up to the open hole in the roof and sticks his head cautiously outside. He is impressed by the rate of speed they have managed to obtain considering the nature of their vehicle. The speeder is swerving back and forth as it follows down the dusty residential street. The driver spots Kenner and begins shaking his fist angrily. Kenner shakes right back and then reaches into his pack for more explosives. ANAKIN: (heard shouting from below) See if you have any power disrupters. You should be able to knock out their engines. Kenner fishes out a large green ball with yellow alien writing on the side. He examines it with a puzzled look. He shoves it down in the cab, waving it behind Anakin's head. KENNER: You mean like this? INTERIOR: LANDMOVER He accidentally bangs it against Anakin's skull. ANAKIN: Ow! I'm trying to drive! Kenner looks down at Owen for help. Owen shrugs uselessly. The green ball begins to beep and vibrate. KENNER: That's not good. ANAKIN: GET RID OF IT! EXTERIOR: LANDMOVER -- CANOPY Kenner lobs the device over his shoulder towards the following security speeder. The driver makes a hurried attempt to avoid the object but fails as its split second trip ends with a metal clunk on the hood of the speeder. The ball sticks fast by activating an internal magnetic system. The driver smiles as he sees the writing on the ball. DRIVER: (to copilot) It's just a toy. They both enjoy a good laugh until the ball explodes emitting a green gel that quickly encompasses the speeder as well as a few unlucky pedestrians. The engines sputter as they suck in the chunky substance and fail almost instantly. The whole of the enormous mass comes to a grinding halt a few hundred meters later as friction takes its course. The speeder bobs back and forth like a piece of pineapple floating in a clump of lime Jell-O dropped at a summer picnic with gritty dirt coating its outside. Kenner looks in his pack. KENNER: I hope I have more of those. Owen sighs in relief as the land mover makes its way to the edge of town. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER OWEN: (to Anakin) You are so lucky. Anakin smiles devilishly. ANAKIN: If that's the best they can do it's no wonder this place is becoming a wretched hive. KENNER: Of scum and villainy! ANAKIN: Don't finish my sentences. Owen breaks in. OWEN: There's the city limits! EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- CITY LIMITS -- DAY They let out a cheer that is quickly silenced by the appearance of five new security speeders. Two cut off the route ahead as the other three seemingly appear out of nowhere to close off the rear. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER Anakin gasps in terror. His breathing returns to its former agitated state. OWEN: We have to stop this time or they'll blow us to bits. Anakin says nothing but reaches into his pocket and pulls out his inhaler. He takes three heavy blasts and swallows hard. ANAKIN: No. Owen says nothing as the machine heads straight for the two speeders parked yards ahead, blocking the way. The look on Anakin's face is one of grim determination. EXTERIOR: MOS ESPA -- CITY LIMITS Not losing a step, the land mover reaches the two speeders and begins pummeling them into the sand as it goes. The drivers try to pull back but find the mass of twisted metal and electrical fires have rendered their speeders useless. The land mover quickly bounds over them and continues on. The remaining three speeders pursue. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER KENNER: I'll take care of them. Kenner again climbs to the top hatch and this time stands in defiance with his entire upper body exposed. EXTERIOR: LANDMOVER -- CANOPY He raises his pack with one arm and shouts. KENNER: Come and get us! The speeders all begin firing simultaneously. Kenner is nearly hit as the bolts ricochet off the mover's hull. One of the blasts hits the bag he is holding and causes him to drop it onto the metal canopy. He covers his head in fear as the bolts continue to zip past him. The bag catches fire noticeably. ANAKIN: (from inside) Is everything all right up there? KENNER: Um, yes. Won't be a moment. He hastily pushes the flaming bag away, prodding it with his arm pulled back in the sleeve of his jacket. The bag gradually slides towards the edge where it finally topples over the side. Kenner looks relieved until he sees a wall of sparks shooting up from the side of the mover. The bag has become hung up on one of the large bolts jutting from the machine's arm. He looks down at Owen and Anakin in the cab. KENNER: You guys won't believe what just happened. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER Both Anakin and Owen look up at Kenner just in time to see him thrown out of the hatch as the bag explodes, causing the machine to pitch ferociously as its left arm is mangled by the blast. OWEN: Where did he go? Owen rushes up to the hatch to see what happened. EXTERIOR: LANDMOVER -- CANOPY He observes one of the speeders stopping to pull Kenner out of the sand dune he has become lodged in. The other two continue their pursuit. He soon notices the side of the mover is spewing black smoke and flames. In fact, the entire machine is struggling to stay upright. Owen panics and begins waving at the speeders. OWEN: We give up! Don't shoot! (turning to Anakin) Stop! INTERIOR: LANDMOVER ANAKIN: We're almost there. EXTERIOR -- LANDMOVER -- CANOPY Owen turns to see that they have indeed almost reached the edge of the Jundland wastes. He can't help but feel elated as the forbidding landscape unfolds before them. He looks back at the speeders and to his surprise sees them turning back towards Mos Espa. He climbs back into the mover and sits beside Anakin. EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DUNES -- DAY Kenner is roughly moved into the back seat of a security speeder. KENNER: (to guard) Easy Snaggletooth, I've got friends in high places. INTERIOR: LANDMOVER OWEN: I can't believe we made it. Why did they give up so quickly? ANAKIN: Those speeders can't navigate the kind of terrain this mover can. The planet Savvas is covered with a slurpee substance that makes sand look like carbonite. OWEN: Thanks for the geography lesson but what does that have to do with the cost of spice on Kessel? ANAKIN: Weren't you listening? This is a Savvasian construction unit. Owen's face turns white as he glares stupidly at his brother. OWEN: Sa...Savvasian? ANAKIN: Yes. What is your problem? Owen studies the control panel then points to a flashing readout on one of the displays. A green circle surrounds a flashing red light that has reached its perimeter. The screen suddenly switches to a countdown mode as alien numbers flash by. OWEN: It's a security system. Savassians would rather blow up their big ass belongings than let someone else have them. Owen looks back at Anakin only to find an empty seat. Anakin is crouched on the edge of the hatch with one hand held out and the other grasping his lightsaber. EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- EDGE OF JUNDLAND WASTES The land mover pitches forward as begins to self-destruct in sections. The arms go first, hurling the boys clear of the following explosions that envelop the machine in a fiery ball of death. Anakin maintains consciousness just long enough to taste the dry sand in his mouth as the blast drives them into the ground. Owen lies along side of him. He attempts to make a snide comment but also blacks out. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- IMPERIAL CITY -- NOON The city sparkles in the mid-day sun. Enormous skyscrapers thrust themselves towards the sky like giant stalagmites. There is a quiet buzz of activity as various craft fly smoothly between the architecture as though meticulously choreographed. Large pedestrian walks are flowing with the citizens of the republic. They laugh, argue and even sing as they go about their business. High above the Hoi Poloi of the city streets sits the elegant penthouse apartment of Senator Palpatine, a symbol of the growing inequity between the classes. INTERIOR: PENTHOUSE Senator palpatine waits patiently behind a giant black desk with his folded hands resting gently on its hard surface. Rays of light flood the room through giant glass windows, yet seem to be absorbed by the walls and furniture leaving the place feeling cold and forbidding. A chime sounds and the Senator adjusts his face to seem more munificent. He presses a button on his desk. PALPATINE: Yes, PADME? SECRETARY: Your One O-clock appointment is here. PALPATINE: Send him in. The door slides open instantly and Admiral Tarkin strides into the room. A man in his prime, his svelte appearance belies a strength honed by many years of military service. With a click of his heels he stands before Palpatine, his posture exceeded only by his meticulous grooming. He salutes the Senator quickly then removes his hat. PALPATINE: Please sit, my friend. The Senator motions to a worn metal folding chair across from the desk. Apprehensively, Tarkin sets up the unit. He sits, carefully balancing himself as one of the legs is bent and causes the seat to slope drastically to the side. His black boots squeak on the polished floor as he sticks his leg out for support. The Senator smiles innocently as he himself revels in a throne-ish black naugahyde chair. PALPATINE: What news have you brought me? Tarkin looks cautiously around the room. PALPATINE: Do not worry, (pushing another button on his desk a blue shimmer rolls down the walls) no one can hear us now. TARKIN: (still apprehensive) The news is good, sir. Your factory on Sullust is almost complete. Soon we will be in full production. That is... barring any interference from the Senate. Tarkin hands the Senator a silver cassette that Palpatine promptly inserts into a slot on his desk. A greenish glow casts an eerie light as it reflects against his face and purple tunic. Palpatine looks absorbed in the display but continues to speak. PALPATINE: Do not worry yourself about matters you cannot control. I have things well in hand here. You need only carry out my orders and all your ambitions will be fulfilled. TARKIN: Yes, sir, however, if any of this were to reach the ears of the Jedi council it would mean the end of us all. Palpatine rocks gently in his chair as he studies the data that is being speedily displayed. PALPATINE: Have you secured a sufficient quantity of the B-R-U compound? TARKIN: A special unit has been detached for just that purpose, sir. We shall shortly have an unending supply. A new development has presented us with a unique opportunity. PALPATINE: (not looking up) You refer to our new allies on Danai? TARKIN: (surprised) How did you... PALPATINE: I have eyes and ears all over this galaxy Admiral. Do not attempt to keep things from me. You will find it a waste of effort. TARKIN: Yes, sir. PALPATINE: And as for the Jedi council, I have taken steps to ensure that they will have other matters to attend to. Soon they will realize I am not one to be trifled with. TARKIN: Yes, sir. We'll make those Jedi pay for what they did to you. Palpatine raises his eyes to the Admiral. PALPATINE: And let us not forget your agenda, Tarkin. It must be difficult to have faced the rejection of applying for apprenticeship and being turned down year after year. Tarkin says nothing. PALPATINE: Still, I suppose you have to be born with a certain inclination to study the force. There's no shame in being ordinary now is there? TARKIN: (quietly) No, sir. Palpatine finishes his study and clicks off the panel. PALPATINE: Excellent. He rises to his feet to show Tarkin to the door. TARKIN: What are your orders, sir? PALPATINE: Return to Sullust and continue your work. I will join you shortly. (grabbing Tarkin by the shoulder) With any luck, your days as a Rear Admiral will soon be behind you. TARKIN: Sir? PALPATINE: If I succeed, you may even be appointed to Moff! TARKIN: Oh! Wouldn't that be grand! PALPATINE: Yes... well no time for chitchat. The door slides open again. Palpatine hands Tarkin the data cassette. PALPATINE: On your way out, give this to my secretary to file. TARKIN: Can she be trusted? PALPATINE: Of course. A girl like her is only concerned about how she looks and who's looking. Believe me, nothing enters her mind but hair care products. TARKIN: (laughing) Typical female. I'll bet she's even recommended some good wrinkle creams. The Senator's face turns into a scowl accentuating even more the rifts that have begun to form on his face. TARKIN: Not that you are... I mean... Well I've been called rather gaunt myself. PALPATINE: Good day... Admiral. The Senator turns and disappears back into his office as the door snaps shut behind him. Tarkin hands the data cassette to the secretary as she looks harmlessly at him. He jams his hat back on. PADME watches with a slight smile as he marches off. INTERIOR: TATOOINE -- CAMPSITE -- EVENING Anakin and Owen rest peacefully on canvas cots. Owen's head has been bandaged and both boys appear to have been tended to. The warm glow of an electric lantern sheds an orange light on the supplies that fill the tent. A small green figure enters carrying a bowl of brown paste. He stirs it with a wooden stick and sings a little song as he goes. YODA: I like, gooey peanut butter. But you may not like gooey peanut butter. Still, we like each other. A voice from outside the tent breaks in. VOICE: I like you, John John! YODA: Hmmph! Yoda moves to the edge of the tent and pushes the flap aside to respond. YODA: Own song you get! He moves back to the edge of the cot and sits himself on the ground. He looks up at the boys resting peacefully and waits quietly for them to awaken. After about thirty seconds he decides not to wait any longer. YODA: (loudly) Tired you must be, yes! The boys do not stir. YODA: Lucky we found you hmmm? Giant lizards not far. Young ones make tasty treat! Yoda frowns as he sees his voice has no effect. He calmly reaches up to cover Anakin's open mouth with one of his little clawed hands, making sure to seal off the nose as well. Soon Anakin snaps awake, sputtering for breath as his body reacts to the lack of oxygen. ANAKIN: Hey now what the... who did... huh? YODA: Awake you are. Good. Many questions have we. Anakin looks around the tent in confusion. He is still groggy from sleep and medication. ANAKIN: Where am I? YODA: Safe. With friends. Anakin tries to find the source of the voice. ANAKIN: Where are you? YODA: Right here I am. ANAKIN: I can't see you. YODA: (slightly annoyed) Down here. Anakin finally spots the little creature sitting patiently on the floor. ANAKIN: Oh there you are. Both of them stare at one another for quite some time. YODA: To me you speak yes? ANAKIN: Are you here to praise the virtues of sugary breakfast cereals? YODA: (thinking) I know not about such things. ANAKIN: (disappointed) Oh. Then what are you? YODA: Does it matter? ANAKIN: Well, yes actually. It means the difference between whether you eat me or not. YODA: (chuckling) Weak you look. Too chewie. VOICE: GRRRAAARGGGHH! YODA: (Yelling in the direction of the door) Yoda not tell you again! VOICE: Sorry. YODA: (To Anakin) Now, who may you be? ANAKIN: I am Anakin Skywalker and this is my brother Owen. YODA: Skywalker hmmm? Your feet look made for walking, but Yoda doubt you travel on air. ANAKIN: (bitterly) Not with these crappy farmer's boots. Yoda turns slightly as Obi-Wan Kenobi enters the tent. His wind-worn tunic wraps around him like a burlap wetsuit. He bows slightly to Yoda as he removes his goggles and gloves. KENOBI: Heavy sandstorms are starting out there. We probably won't be able to go out again tonight. Master QUI-GON and the rest will have to meet up with us tomorrow. How are our young friends doing? ANAKIN: I want something to eat. Yoda hands Anakin the bowl of paste. KENOBI: Ah, the simple joys of youth. Master Yoda, can you remember when all you ever wanted for was a hot meal? YODA: Was last week. Run out of potatoes I did. Favorite stew not the same without. Much anger it caused. Anakin shovels a heaping pile of paste into his mouth. He quickly spits it back into the bowl. ANAKIN: It's horrible! You eat this stuff? YODA: No, used for polishing shoes. ANAKIN: So why did you give it to me? YODA: You look like tough guy. Can take it yes? Anakin wipes off his mouth in disgust trying to get rid of the nasty taste. Obi-Wan sits down on a field chair in the corner. He reaches into a small basket and produces a juicy looking fruit that he tosses to Anakin. Yoda makes his way over to a small box that he opens and begins to rummage through. Anakin notes that he isn't even wearing shoes. KENOBI: So, young... YODA: (looking in trunk) Anakin. KENOBI: ...Anakin. What brings you out this far? ANAKIN: We had a little trouble. Yoda finally finds what he is looking for. He closes the trunk and climbs on top of it. He sits with a grunt and lights the worn wooden pipe that was the object of his search. KENOBI: Master Yoda, haven't we discussed this already? YODA: Hide better from me next time. For now, I smoke. Obi-wan smiles and shakes his head. KENOBI: (to Anakin) It's not exactly the image you had of a Jedi master is it? ANAKIN: You're a Jedi! Yoda nods. KENOBI: As am I. Although I can only hope to someday reach master Yoda's level. Yoda nods again. YODA: Obi-Wan still have much to learn. Taking care of lightsaber first step. Yoda reaches behind his back to reveal the lightsaber Anakin found. ANAKIN: Hey! That's mine. YODA: Hmmm? Why would boy have Jedi weapon I wonder? (To Obi-Wan) Look like yours no? KENOBI: Ah, no. I'm sure it's not mine. YODA: Robot says lost while picking up take-out. KENOBI: That's strange. I don't seem to remember ever owning a droid. A series of disgruntled chirps and whistles can be heard coming from under a pile of clothing. YODA: Hmmm? KENOBI: Well, we should all get some sleep I suppose. There will be time enough to talk about all this tomorrow. ANAKIN: I just woke up. KENOBI: A young Jedi in training needs all the sleep he can get. Anakin's eyes widen. ANAKIN: Are you serious? KENOBI: You'll find out tomorrow. Now get some rest. Obi-wan claps twice and the lamp turns off as if by magic. He then pulls a blanket over himself as he stretches out on his chair. Anakin lies down on the cot and tries to sleep. Yoda continues smoking his pipe until it runs out then, all beds being full, climbs into the trunk and closes the lid behind him. EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT -- NIGHT In the dark night a large lizard-like Dewback struggles against the onslaught of the storm. Its haunches strain as it bucks and moans in confusion. Soon the animal is covered over by sand as it lays down its head in defeat and allows itself to be encompassed by the desert. EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- CAMPSITE -- DAY Owen slowly and cautiously steps out of the tent. He claps his dusty hands together and surveys the campsite. It was very nearly covered by the storm. The peaks of other tents can be seen poking out of the ground, their entrances having been cleared away of sand. OWEN: Is anyone here? Owen notices tracks leading away from the camp. He decides to follow them. EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT -- DAY Twin suns bear down on the planet like two giant flaming heat lamps over a sandy hamburger. Through the ripples of heat we can barely make out figures standing at the edge of a chasm. Owen approaches them slowly. The figures turn to reveal Obi-Wan and Bendu. KENOBI: Good morning, Owen. We wondered if you were ever going to wake up. OWEN: Who are you? KENOBI: I am Obi-Wan Kenobi and this Bendu. Owen is clearly still groggy from sleep. OWEN: Hello. BENDU: Your brother said you were an early riser. He was surprised to see you sleep so late. OWEN: (scratching his head) Farmers have to get up early. It's tradition. BENDU: Well, you're just in time. OWEN: For what? BENDU: Look. Bendu points at the canyon floor below them. Owen sees nothing at first but then a bellowing roar explodes from one of the caves. Owen is shocked to see Anakin come tearing out of a cave on the back of a Krayt dragon. His feet are planted firmly between its back ridges of scaly plates as he whips the animal's backside causing it to leap enormous distances with each blow. A heavy black cord is fastened around the animal's neck and appears to be the only thing Anakin can hold on to. ANAKIN: Yah! OWEN: What is he doing?! BENDU: It's just a training exercise. We came here to ride the Krayt dragon. OBI-WAN: We have been out here for the better part of the morning trying to find some. BENDU: In fact, if it weren't for Anakin, we probably would never have found this one. OBI-WAN: And when your brother explained that it's a bit of a sport on this planet, and he being quite well known for his wrangling abilities, we decided to let him have a go at it first. Owen stares at Obi-Wan for a moment then at Bendu then back at Obi-Wan. OWEN: Huh? No one has a chance to explain any further as the dragon bounds out of the chasm and slams into the sand only yards away. OBI-WAN: Sweet mother of Yoda! The dragon charges into them, thrashing its head from side to side. It is clearly unhappy with the object tied around its neck and, even more clearly, Anakin has no control over it. Obi-Wan is thrown to the side as the creature heaves it weight into him. Bendu grabs Owen around the waist and manages to jump clear of the enraged beast. Startled, but not incapacitated, Obi-Wan instinctively reaches for his Jedi weapon. He quickly stops groping his waist as he remembers its loss. He looks up just as the dragon whips its spiked tail at him like an enormous tree trunk being swung laterally. Obi-Wan places his hand on the tail and flips over it like a pommel horse. However, his tunic becomes entangled on one of the spikey protrusions and he is dragged through the sand a few yards then is flung away as the tail reaches the end of its arc. The dragon rears up as Anakin begins to kick the back of its neck. BENDU: Anakin! What are you doing? ANAKIN: (pulling at the cord) I've got him. Just keep out of the way. The beast notices Bendu and charges. Bendu turns to get away but the creature strikes at him with its clawed forearm. Bendu howls in pain as his back is torn apart. He falls to the ground and the dragon looms over him. KENOBI: Come on then! The dragon turns again towards Obi-Wan. He stands facing the dragon swinging a black cord similar to the one Anakin used to harness the beast. The dragon roars and heads for Obi-Wan. It dives in front of him snapping its head back and lunging with gnashing teeth as it attempts to bite Obi-Wan. The young Jedi knight is too quick for the monster and neatly sidesteps while managing to slip the black cord around its neck. Holding on to the other end, Obi-Wan rolls out of range then stands and jerks the cord. It chokes the creature causing it to scratch ineffectually at its neck with its claws. It is unable to get under the cord as it has constricted the flesh below the rest of the beasts neck. Simultaneously, the cord also snaps down on the line Anakin had been using for a reign. Anakin's hand is pulled tight at the wrist to the back of the monster's head. KENOBI: Anakin. Get off that crazy thing. ANAKIN: I can't. I'm stuck! Anakin places one foot on the beast's head and begins pushing away while trying to free his hand. BENDU: (to Owen) Go find help. Owen runs off in the direction of the campsite while Obi-Wan continues to struggle. The dragon rears up again as Anakin kicks at its head. KENOBI: Stop antagonizing it! The dragon brings its giant front claw down on the cord and Obi-Wan is pulled to the ground. Looking bewildered, it starts galloping towards a large rocky overhang. Anakin stares in fear as they approach the place. It is clear the creature intends to scrape the foreign object off its hide using the rocks as some kind of gigantic free standing loofa. EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCKS -- DAY The dragon bounds towards the rocks as Anakin turns white with fear and Obi-Wan is dragged unceremoniously behind. Anakin swings himself under the creature's neck, his arm still caught on the other side, and dangles helplessly as the beast scrapes its head and back against the rough stone outcroppings. Anakin struggles to reach his inhaler. ANAKIN: Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope! Obi-Wan's body continues to plow through heavy piles of sand as he struggles to keep hold of the cord. The dragon then makes an abrupt turn and heads away from the rocks again. Obi-Wan's arms ache as the sandy torture continues. His travel comes to an abrupt halt however, as he crashes into an oversized dune that does not give way so easily. The cord is snapped from his hands leaving a rather vicious burn. ANAKIN: Fruein leihven! Obi-wan sits in the sand, nursing his wounded hand. Suddenly, something under the sand starts to stir. Obi-Wan watches silently as a large Dewback pulls itself out from the earth. It stares at Obi-Wan for a moment, hocks a large ball of sand and spit onto the ground and slowly walks away. Obi-Wan then notices the dragon in the distance heading off at a gallop again. He breathes a sigh of releif until he realizes that the monster is headed for the great cliff of Claven. It is perhaps the creature's last mad attempt to be free of its captors. KENOBI: May George have mercy on his soul. As Obi-Wan speaks, a ball of green, black and silver shoots past him with a whooshing sound. His eyes focus on the object revealing Yoda the Jedi master propelling himself forward like an elderly power walker headed for the mall food court at Nine A.M. Master QUI-GON appears in an opposite trajectory headed for straight for the small Jedi master. The two figures seem destined to collide until Yoda leaps into the air above QUI-GON's head. YODA: Set-up! QUI-GON: Spike! Yoda curls into a ball just before Master QUI-GON slams his hand against the old Jedi, propelling him in the direction of the dragon. With enormous velocity, Yoda spins towards the rampaging beast. Anakin watches as Yoda calmly spreads his stubby little arms out and alights gracefully on the dragon's back. ANAKIN: It's about time! Yoda examines the cord binding Anakin to the dragon. ANAKIN: Today! Yoda ignores him but seems to be concentrating now on something in front of them. Anakin looks over his shoulder to see the rapidly approaching cliff. He turns back to Yoda in a frenzy. ANAKIN: Come on! Yoda climbs down Anakin's back and detaches the lightsaber hanging from his belt. After climbing back , he runs his clawed hand around the perimeter of the cord digging into the dragon's neck. ANAKIN: Just kill it! Yoda looks at Anakin with a disapproving grimace. ANAKIN: What? Yoda ignites the fiery blade and with a flash Anakin is free. He tumbles into the sand and briefly loses consciousness. OWEN: You're going to be fine, Anakin. Just don't move. Anakin blinks repeatedly to remove the sand in his eyes. Owen is standing over him with a worried expression. Soon, Master QUI-GON and Obi-Wan are also by his side. They begin to lift him onto a makeshift gurney. ANAKIN: Hey, I'm fine. I can walk. KENOBI: Just relax, Anakin. We've got a medical droid back at the ship that will take care of you. ANAKIN: No, really. I don't need any help. Obi-Wan places his hand on Anakin's shoulder. He looks upset. KENOBI: Please, just lie down Anakin. Anakin doesn't understand all the fuss but complies anyway. They carry him back towards the campsite quickly, none of them speaking a word. Anakin starts to feel an inexplicable burning sensation throughout his body. He suddenly wishes he were out from under the Tatooine suns. Turning his head to the side, he notices master Yoda standing in front of the Krayt dragon. They seem to be having a conversation. Anakin wonders how the creature survived after Yoda just finished hacking away at its neck. His eyes start to shut again as a fever begins to overtake him. The last thing he notices is a strange object hanging from the black cord on the back of the monsters neck. It takes a few moments for his brain to process the visual and report the identity of the item. ANAKIN: Oh, crap. INTERIOR: TATOOINE -- SKYWALKER LIVING ROOM -- EVENING A fire burns in the hearth of the Skywalker home. The cold desert nights afford no pleasant respite from the scorching days, only a harsh counterpoint. The Skywalker family; Walton, Shmi and Owen sit on comfortable oversized furniture as they listen to the story related to them by Obi-Wan. Yoda sits by the hearth, silently smoking his pipe. WALTON: Losing a hand in a farming accident is one thing, but this, this is unacceptable. KENOBI: I can understand that you're upset, sir... WALTON: Upset? I don't think you understand our situation. You fancy pants Jedi come to our planet for a jolly holiday thinking you can go around tearing up the place, riding dragons and knocking down mailboxes, and my son just happens to get crippled along the way. I think I have a right to be upset. SHMI: Walton, please calm down. KENOBI: I can assure you, sir, it was the freakest of accidents. WALTON: I don't think someone hacking off my son's arm can be categorized as an accident. KENOBI: An unfortunate happenstance? WALTON: No. KENOBI: A regrettable development? WALTON: No. KENOBI: A zany, madcap adventure? WALTON: Are you trying to be funny? SHMI: (interrupting) What my husband is worried about is the wound itself. The loss of a limb can be a serious handicap for those of us in the farming industry. KENOBI: Oh, is that all? I think you'll be quite surprised at the advances made in prosthetics these days. In fact, we have a clinic on Coruscant that specializes in such things. WALTON: How nice for you. SHMI: (smiling amicably at her husband) The problem is, Mr. Wan... KENOBI: My surname is Kenobi. WALTON: Funny, you don't look Asian. KENOBI: My parents had an odd sense of humor. SHMI: (continuing) the problem is that we simply don't have the resources to pay for such an expense, not with our farm in such need of equipment. If we use our savings for an operation instead of tools we will surely not survive the coming season. OWEN: And the farming expo is next week! SHMI: Hush, Owen. KENOBI: I wish there were something I could do besides offer my apologies. They all sit quietly for a moment. WALTON: Then my son will have to live with this development. ANAKIN: No! They turn to find that Anakin has been standing in the darkness of the doorway listening. He can barely stand and is holding tightly his bandaged stump of an arm. ANAKIN: That's not fair! WALTON: (getting up) Son, you should be in bed. ANAKIN: I can't believe you're doing this. SHMI: Anakin, you're not well. ANAKIN: Taking Owen to the exhibition is more important than my arm?! OWEN: Your arm was fine until you started acting crazy. ANAKIN: Shut up! WALTON: This isn't about Owen. We have to keep this farm running or we'll all suffer. ANAKIN: And if just so happens that Owen gets to go to the exhibition while I stay home and play with my one arm, then that's just a bonus right? SHMI: We're a family, Anakin. Why must you always act so hostile to your brother? Anakin's face burns red while his hair seems to stand on end. He clenches the one fist he has left. ANAKIN: HE'S NOT MY BROTHER! No one knows quite how to respond to this. Owen looks to his parents for an explanation while Shmi covers her face and Walton stares angrily at Anakin. Obi-Wan lowers his head a little and acts like nothing strange is happening as any good guest witnessing a family conflict should do. However, the sense that the Bantha poodoo has hit the cooling turbine is hard to ignore. Even Yoda's rubbery green eyelids open slightly in curiosity. OWEN: (to his parents) What is he talking about? SHMI: Nothing, Owen. Please go to bed. ANAKIN: You can't hide it anymore. I'm sick of pretending. OWEN: I don't get it. SHMI: Your brother is just upset. He doesn't know what he's saying. OWEN: But how could we not be brothers? Anakin cups his hand in front of his mouth to form a fleshy megaphone. ANAKIN: You're adopted! WALTON: (to Anakin) Why you little... SHMI: Anakin, why are you doing this? OWEN: That's not true... that's impossible!!! KENOBI: Perhaps we should be going. ANAKIN: How freakin stupid are you? We don't even have the same last name. Owen pulls his Junior Farmers of Tatooine club card out of his back pocket. OWEN: He's right. And all this time I thought Lars was just an alternate spelling of Skywalker. SHMI: Owen, we mustn't discuss this now. Go to bed and we'll talk about it in the morning. ANAKIN: Yeah Owen, we Skywalkers have family business to discuss. You're not involved. Owen leaps from his chair in a rage. His parents reach out to stop him but he is too determined. He pounces upon his brother like a rabid carnivore only with less biting and more punching. He repeatedly slams his fist into Anakin's gut until the already weakened boy crumbles to the ground. Walton pulls Owen off and squeezes him tightly until the boy's anger subsides and is replaced by sobbing and tears. Walton sets the boy down as Shmi quickly goes to Anakin. WALTON: Don't cry, son. Your mother and I both love you. Owen brushes the tears from his eyes with one arm. OWEN: I'll be in my room. The boy turns and disappears through the doorway. Obi Wan gets up and reaches for his cloak. KENOBI: Well you've been most hospitable but Master Yoda and I simply must be going. Walton turns from his wife, who his crouched on the floor tending to their bruised, beaten and now with one arm less than he had this morning son, to the young Jedi knight. WALTON: You're more than welcome. You could stick around for a few days, maybe destroy a few more families, slice up the local population, start a few fires perhaps? KENOBI: (chuckling nervously) Oh, Mr. Skywalker. I'm glad to see you have maintained your sense of humor. WALTON: Get out. Obi-Wan falls silent and collects his things. He looks over at Yoda and shrugs. KENOBI: (whispering) You simply can't make some people happy. Yoda does not respond but puts out his pipe and hops off the raised stone hearth. He tightens his mini black gi and motions for Obi-Wan to head out. Yoda turns as they pass through the door and addresses the Skywalkers. YODA: We return tomorrow for the boy. The door whisks shut behind them before Obi-Wan, Shmi or Walton can say anything else. INTERIOR -- HALL OF THE IMPERIAL SENATE -- DAY An expansive crystal ceiling supported by white marble stonework sparkles hundreds of feet above the Senate floor. Ornate carvings adorn the huge pillars that line the walls and support the most improbable structure. The Senators are seated in their benches as they listen intently to the speaker before them. Through the building's complex acoustic design, his voice does not echo, but is projected with a great intensity. PALPATINE: And that is why I support the bill allowing Olay industries to continue its research for the greater good of our fine citizenry. A flurry of tepid applause follows as the Senator bows his head and thanks his audience. PALPATINE: (holding up his hand as if to say "wait a minute") There is one more item I would like to address. There is an audible groan from Zorba, a globular representative from the planet Hostess. His rolls of spongy fat seem to fold in on himself as he frantically waves his arm, a trait typical of the Hutt race. ZORBA: (In Hutteese) Comona wunna aouta geeeta tweenkey a buuyaa! PALPATINE: Well spoken my friend. And now to the matter at hand. ZORBA: Me boody creaba moontana no chookodeeyo e ho ho ho. PALPATINE: Yes, well perhaps that would be best left to discuss later. (speaking into a communicator built into his lapel) PADME, where is that new translator droid? PADME'S VOICE: I'm sending him right down, sir. PALPATINE: Thank you. (back to Senators) And now if I may continue without interruption, I would like to discuss the matter of the gentleman emissary from Danai. A tall figure encased in shining green and grey armor rises from his seat and gestures elegantly to the crowd. He bears the insignia of the Mandalorian consulate upon his breastplate. They are a proud and noble race of warriors dedicated to the virtues of discipline and personal perfection. Perhaps no other culture in the galaxy embodies the spirit of such intensity and mystery. EMISSARY: Hello. A general murmur of approval rolls through the audience. A number of voices can be heard at once. LORD FORTUNA: I'm stimulated by his very presence. SENATOR KUROS: That helmet is both impressive and intriguing. COUNT CHOCULA: He's awesome! PALPATINE: Ladies and Gentlemen please, I thank the emissary for his heartfelt words but allow me to continue. ZORBA: COUP KAAKS!!! PALPATINE: Where is that dawdling interpreter? LADY EBOSHI: May I suggest that the gentleman from Danai say a few more words? PALPATINE: No you may not. I have reviewed his proposal and aim to put it to an immediate vote by the Senate. A lanky young Sentor from the planet Kapraa raises his voice in protest. Although he is clearly nervous, he does carry about himself an air of home-grown competency. SENATOR GOHTUWAH: Now just hold on one cotton pickin minute here. That's not the way we do things and you know it. Why, if we just chucked all the rules every time some smooth talker in a nifty outfit came strolling on to the floor, why it'd be anarchy that's what it would be. PALPATINE: Now Senator, let us not get carried away. It is the urgent nature of the request that requires us to circumvent our normal procedures. I'm sure you wouldn't want to see innocent Mandalorians suffer due to our hesitation to act. SENATOR GOHTUWAH: Well, no. You do have a point there. It's just that I don't think we've got all the facts. PALPATINE: It is quite simple really. However, I will review it once more for those of us who are unclear. SENATOR GOHTUWAH: (sitting down) Well you do that then. Palptine takes a deep breath as he resets the lectern display to the beginning of his notes. PALPATINE: The situation is as follows. We have been asked by the Mandalorian people, under the representation of the currently sitting-in emissary, the right honorable Mr. Fett... EMISSARY: That's me. Another round of hoots, claps and foot stomping erupts. PALPATINE: (not acknowledging the ruckus) ...to consider the following request. Given the current situation regarding the livestock of the planet Danai... SENATOR GOHTUWAH: Which is? PALPATINE: ...which is the recent introduction of the Rodian virus into certain species upon which the Mandalorian economy depends, it is proposed that any and all surviving animals be purchased by the republic at four times the current market value. SENATOR GOHTUWAH: That's outrageous! PALPATINE: This will ensure the stability of the planet's otherwise doomed economy as they prepare for the future. SENATOR KURTZ: That sounds like a solid financial plan. SENATOR KASDAN: Very well thought out. SENATOR WILQUI-GONS: It's like music to my ears. PALPATINE: Then we shall vote without further delay. SENATOR GOHTUWAH: It's insanity I tell ya! What kind of solution is that? Why, why in a few years they'll be right back where they started. PALPATINE: (ignoring Senator Gohtuwah) I will not bore the Senate with the details but I have seen, and thoroughly endorse, the recovery plan as proposed by Senator Charmin, and can say without hesitation that the Mandalorian people will have absolutely no troubles getting back on their feet. ZORBA: Mu habba bouta feeta egsleena coconoot snubaa! PALPATINE: All those in favor? All but one of the Senators says aye. PALPATINE: Opposed? SENATOR GOHTUWAH: Ah, what's the use? PALPATINE: Then the motion is passed. And with that we shall adjourn for the day unless anyone has something else to add. In the moment of silence following this, a very formal metallic voice is heard from the wings. VOICE: I'm coming, sir! Please don't be angry with me. After all, it is my first day. The brilliant golden form of C3-PO soon appears on the floor of the Senate. His newly manufactured body is striking in both its design and luminescence. Quickly he makes his way towards the translation box where he assumes a dignified stance. C3-PO: I'm ready, sir. PALPATINE: Very well then. Ladies and gentlemen, we shall reconvene next week. The Senators quickly rise from their seats and begin to shuffle out. Zorba, in particular, slugs his way out with surprising speed. C3-PO: Oh dear. EXTERIOR -- TATOOINE -- MOS ESPA -- DAY Obi-Wan Kenobi sits on the edge of a large sand fountain and stares at the suns. He does not look pleased. Yoda, dressed in a screaming yellow tunic made of vinyl and sporting a black fanny pack, emerges from a nearby building and approaches him. YODA: (climbing up to sit next to Obi-Wan) Ship will be ready soon. Back to Coruscant we go. KENOBI: Hmmm. YODA: Made sure lots of sunscreen I applied today. You need? Obi-Wan says nothing. YODA: Light complexion burn worse. Yoda warn you. Obi-Wan folds his arms. YODA: Tomorrow you be sorry. Peel like a rotten onion you will. There is silence for a while until Obi-Wan finally bursts out. KENOBI: Master Yoda, why are we doing this? YODA: Doing what? KENOBI: Taking this child with us to Coruscant. I realize we are bound by our duty to help others but I can't help but feel we have more important things to attend to. YODA: Like princess? KENOBI: Well yes, that for one. How can I prepare for the next trial if I'm playing nurse to some rambunctious little kid? You heard what his parents said. The operation was not a priority. YODA: Parents said they could not afford. Big difference. KENOBI: So who do you suppose will pay for it? YODA: You have free meals and housing. Yoda sure that you can pay. KENOBI: I hardly think that is right. For what reason should I pay? YODA: You cause accident yes? KENOBI: That depends entirely on your point of view. YODA: Don't start that again. You chase dragon, make it angry, let small boy ride. Don't give Yoda crap about "someone else's point of view". Never said Jedi came to ride dragon. Find dragon, yes. Speak to dragon, yes. Learn battle cry, yes. Tie cable around neck and kick in back of head, no. That is last time Yoda sleep in box I can tell you. KENOBI: Look, I don't even know why he tagged along in the first place. YODA: Yoda remember someone promising to teach boy to become Jedi. Who could that have been? Oh, if only were I eight hundred again, then could I remember. KENOBI: I don't think I promised the boy anything. Master Yoda, everyone can see the boy is a pain in the ass. Why can't you? Yoda makes a motion with his hands as if he were clearing away a pile of dishes after a hearty meal. There is a restrained look of annoyedness in his eyes. YODA: No more. You must learn to take responsibility for own actions. No more changing facts to fit own desires. Skywalker comes with us to Coruscant. You pay for operation and supervise boy while he is in our care. Think this part of your training. Obi-Wan is about to say something else as Master QUI-GON suddenly appears and interrupts them. QUI-GON: We are ready to go. Bendu and the child have been secured and are being tended to by Ten Point Five Aay. The trip should be easy for them although Bendu is in pretty bad shape. He may need more advanced treatment when we get back. KENOBI: (getting up) I'm sure I'll have to pay for that too. Obi-Wan storms past the two Jedi and marches towards the docking area where their ship is waiting. EXTERIOR: SPACE -- PLANET SULLUST A large cargo ship approaches the planet. EXTERIOR: SULLUST -- FOREST -- HIDDEN PROCESSING PLANT The sunlight reveals a series of dome-like buildings nestled under the tenacious growth of the forest. INTERIOR -- HIDDEN PROCESSING PLANT -- LABORATORY Admiral Tarkin stands transfixed in front of a large window. We cannot see what he is looking at but flashes of colored light splash against the surface of the glass like a carnival paint spinner. His intense concentration is then interrupted by a lab technician entering the room. OOMARA: Fascinating isn't it? TARKIN: (finally breaking his gaze) Indeed. Senator Palpatine will be pleased. OOMARA: We've just received a message that the cargo from Danai has arrived. This puts us well ahead of schedule. TARKIN: Splendid. (turning back to the window) Soon those honored Jedi will find they are not so elite. EXTERIOR -- CORUSCANT -- JEDI TRAINING CENTER -- DOCKING PLATFORM A ship gently sets down on the pristine surface of the landing platform. Seconds later, the ramp is lowered allowing the ship's passengers to file out carrying their belongings. Many look weary but none so much as Obi-Wan Kenobi. He carries his bags heavily over his shoulder as his loyal R2 unit follows behind. His mind is filled only with the thought of relaxing in his bed. INTERIOR -- CURRUSCANT -- JEDI TRAINING CENTER -- OBI WAN'S QUARTERS Obi Wan hurls his bags into the corner and falls into his bed like a large chunk of ham. R2-D2 begins quietly programming the room's climate controls at a small panel on the wall. A few peaceful moments pass before a buzzing sound causes Obi-Wan to wrench himself out of bed and answer the door. The metal plate whisks aside to reveal young Anakin Skywalker. Before Obi-Wan can say a word, Anakin ducks under his arm and charges into the room. He makes a roaring engine noise as he leaps on to Obi- Wan's bed, tossing his luggage aside. ANAKIN: Cool! Is this my bed? KENOBI: This isn't even your room! Anakin begins jumping up and down on the bed with his one arm outstretched for balance. ANAKIN: Yes it is. Master Yoda said I would be staying with you until I go back home. KENOBI: He didn't! ANAKIN: Yup. And he also said you would take me back when the time comes. KENOBI: That's just wonderful. Perhaps you would like to raid my pantry now seeing as you plan on making my life miserable. ANAKIN: That's okay... Anakin makes a final bouncing leap off the bed. ANAKIN: We don't have time now. Master Yoda said you have to take me right down to see the prosthetics engineer in the Coppola plaza. KENOBI: (coolly) Did he? ANAKIN: Yes. He said they would be expecting us right away. KENOBI: (colder still) Right away? ANAKIN: Would I lie? Obi-Wan walks over to a large wooden dresser and opens it wide. A varied assortment of Jedi weaponry sparkles with metallic splendor. He grabs a replacement lightsaber and attaches it to his belt. KENOBI: Let's go. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- COPPOLA PLAZA -- DAY Citizens mill around the plaza in the bright light of Coruscant's enormous sun. The plaza is adorned with plants and vines that bear small colorful fruit in bunches. Small squirrel-like creatures leap from planter to planter while flapping their bodies to gain a small degree of lift. The center of the plaza is dominated by a colossal white statue of a large bearded man in flowing robes. There is a subtle air of superiority about him. The plaque below reads "YOU OWE ME!" INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- PROSTHETICS CLINIC -- DAY Anakin is seated on a cushioned desk that is covered by a sheet of white paper. He is now equipped with a black gloved arm composed of metal, plastic and wires. The mechanism is attached to a series of diagnostic machines that are running through a battery of tests. Anakin appears to have no control as it flexes and twists emitting loud whirs and clicks from its servos. Obi-Wan sits nearby, stroking his lip with one finger as if in thought. R2-D2 stands quietly near one of the computers. The doctor enters carrying a data pad. DR. AUSTIN: Well, Anakin, it appears as though everything checks out. We've synchronized this unit to your brain's impulses and transferred that data into our computer. KENOBI: Wrap him up then. He needs to catch the next ship back to Tatooine. DR. AUSTIN: Oh that won't be possible I'm afraid. His new arm won't be ready for a least two weeks. The doctor begins to detach the wires that are hooked into Anakin's new arm. ANAKIN: You mean this isn't what I'm getting? DR. AUSTIN: Certainly not. Bionics doesn't work like magic you know. Perhaps someday you'll be able to walk up to a medical droid, ask for a new appendage then pop, whiz solder a few wires and slap the hatch shut cause you've got a new hand. Until then however, we must make do with what we have. This temporary arm will work fine until we can construct and calibrate a permanent model. ANAKIN: Yeah! KENOBI: Can't you just mail him the new arm? DR. AUSTIN: Out of the question. We must align the new unit very closely to the boy's body. He simply must return in two weeks. I'm sure he can find something to do in the meantime. Can't you boy? ANAKIN: We could go to the expo! DR. AUSTIN: That's the spirit. KENOBI: We are not flying all the way out to Corellia. DR. AUSTIN: Well, I suggest you do something to entertain the boy. Master Yoda related to me the entire incident of this unhappy development. I would think the Jedi Knights would be going out of their way to atone for the wrongs done to this child. ANAKIN: (waving his arm) And how! KENOBI: Did Master Yoda mention that it was he himself who actually lopped off the member in question? DR. AUSTIN: It seemed sensible to me. Besides, Master Yoda is not one to be questioned. I have seen him leap tall sandwiches in a single bound. KENOBI: That is true. Dr. Austin motions for Anakin to jump down off the bench. Anakin does and his arm swings so low it almost hits the floor. DR. AUSTIN: Careful now Anakin. This new arm is a lot heavier and stronger than you're used to. It may also take some time to adjust your grip pressure so you shouldn't handle anything breakable for a while. ANAKIN: That's fine, but how will I eat? KENOBI: Don't look at me. Use your other hand. ANAKIN: Oh, right. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- PENTHOUSE OFFICE -- LATE AFTERNOON Obi-Wan sits on the edge of PADME's desk and crosses his legs. Anakin is relegated to a corner chair where he and R2-D2 wait. PADME smiles as she flirts with Obi-Wan. PADME: So then I says, Mabel, I says... ANAKIN: Get on with it! PADME looks over at Anakin who is swinging his feet impatiently. PADME: Where did you pick up this kid? KENOBI: It's a long story. Listen, why don't we have dinner tonight? PADME: Three's a crowd. KENOBI: Just the two of us. I'm sure we can find something to do with the boy. PADME: Well, I suppose he can stay here. We have a new protocol unit that could keep an eye on him. PADME begins pressing buttons on her communications panel. ANAKIN: Hey, wait a minute, you can't just pawn me off on some droid. PADME: (into microphone) Translator, come to the desk immediately. KENOBI: How forceful! ANAKIN: This is no joke. I'll tell Master Yoda. KENOBI: I'll save you the trouble. R2, please return to the barracks and tell Master Yoda that Anakin will be staying at the Imperial Senate while I handle some... official business. PADME: Roowwr! ANAKIN: You're a big fat liar! KENOBI: Oh Anakin, some day you'll understand. ANAKIN: I understand right now, you horny bastard! The door whisks open as R2 rolls out, narrowly missing the golden translator droid that is on his way in. The taller droid looks back as the astromech zips away. C3-P0: What a rude little... PADME: (interrupting) I have a new assignment for you. C3-P0: Yes, Madam. I am here to serve. PADME: This boy needs to be looked after. Take him to the juvenile center and entertain him until I get back. C3-P0: Yes, Madam. (hesitantly) I... PADME: What is it? C3-P0: Perhaps I should remind you of the other child that was placed in my care. The emissary's son? PADME: Oh, right. They haven't come back for him? C3-P0: Not yet, Madam. I believe that Senator Palpatine is still showing the emissary around the city. PADME: Well then, at least he'll have someone to play with. KENOBI: That makes two of us. Anakin hops off his chair and storms out. ANAKIN: Filthy pervert. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- PROMENADE -- EARLY EVENING C3-PO leads Anakin through the maze of humans and aliens that mingle about the promenade. It is a menagerie of creatures far stranger and more diverse than the ones on Tatooine. Anakin has forgotten his disappointment with Obi-Wan and now marvels at the inhabitants of this world. C3-P0 struggles to keep the boy in sight. C3-P0: Please stay close, sir! If we get separated I might never recover you. ANAKIN: How much farther are we going? C3-P0: We shall be there shortly. Is this your first visit to the Imperial city? ANAKIN: Yes. C3-P0: How do you like it so far? ANAKIN: I don't know. Since I got here I haven't seen much of anything. C3-P0: Well then, allow me to give you a little bit of a tour on the way. The two walk along and soon Anakin notices that they are no longer at ground level. The view from the edge of the walkway stretches out in a panorama of ruddy colored buildings set against the night sky as great floodlights accentuate their designs. C3-P0: The Imperial city was founded long ago by the members of the New Republic. Many star systems, wishing to maintain a peaceful co- existence with each other, came together to form what we now call the Imperial Senate. The Senate functions as a legislative body wherein all concerned parties air their grievances and establish policies for the republic to follow. It is my great privilege to serve such an establishment. ANAKIN: You mean, that woman is a Senator? C3-P0: Who? Oh Ms. PADME. No, although there are many female Senators, she is merely an aid to Senator Palpatine. ANAKIN: Who's that? C3-P0: He is currently the most well spoken of Senator on all of Coruscant. His new ideas are being embraced by the Senate with much excitement. It is through efforts of people like him that the Republic will continue to thrive and protect its citizens. ANAKIN: You sound like a commercial. C3-P0: Do I? I'm terribly sorry. I give tours for visiting dignitaries. It's part of my programming. ANAKIN: That's all right. Go on. Tell me about the Jedi Knights! C3-P0: Well I'm afraid I don't have much knowledge on that subject. Senator Palpatine has a very definite opinion about the Jedi Council abd that opinion is that they are somewhat out of date. There was a time when such a religious institution was useful but now he fears they have become too powerful. ANAKIN: Well who would protect the Republic if not the Jedi Knights? C3-P0: Senator Palpatine feels that our regular military forces are quite sufficient. He would be content to let the Jedi simply protect the royal family. ANAKIN: Royal family? C3-P0: Oh yes, the royal family of Coruscant has been maintained. Although, to be honest with you, they have no real political power. The citizens of this planet have a certain attachment to them I suppose. If only for that reason have they outlived their function. (C3-P0 stops suddenly) Pardon me, sir, we have arrived. C3-P0 motions to a small inconspicuous doorway. ANAKIN: This is it? C3-P0: Yes, sir. Inside you will find a spacious amusement area filled with ... ANAKIN: All right already! Geez. What did you say your programming was? C3-P0: Well my primary functions are etiquette, protocol and exposition. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- JUVENILE CENTER Anakin sweeps through the door only to find the least impressive room he has visited so far. The oppressive hum of florescent lighting fills the room as well as a dry tingle of electricity. On one side of the room, an figure sits against the wall in one of a long row of spacey looking chairs. Anakin can not be sure whether it is a male, female, alien or droid as its head is covered by a formidable looking helmet. It gets up immediately and rushes to meet them. His identity is soon given away by the not quite changed voice of a young teenage boy. BOBA FETT: Finally! You said you'd only be gone for five minutes! C3-P0: Yes, well... BOBA FETT: (interrupting) I mean, it's not like there is anything to do around here. C3-P0: I do apologize, it's just... BOBA FETT: And when someone says they're going to be gone for five minutes then they ought to be back five minutes later. It's just common courtesy. C3-P0: You are quite rig... BOBA FETT: I've been to a lot of places you know. I didn't just fall off the monkey wagon. ANAKIN: Monkey wagon? BOBA FETT: That's right. My family and I have traveled all over the galaxy and I know when I'm being given the short shrift so to speak. C3-PO: Yes, if you wouldn't mind keeping quiet for just one moment I would like to introduce you to this young gentleman. ANAKIN: Hello. I'm Anakin. BOBA FETT: Fett's the name. Boba Fett of the great Mandalorian warriors. I'm sure it's a pleasure to make my acquaintance. Do you know how this droid ever got this assignment? And what kind of entertainment center is this? I've had more fun staring at dead animals on the sides of roads than I have in here. C3-P0: Really? BOBA FETT: Yes really. If my father gets back from his tour with Senator Palpatine and finds I've turned to stone out of complete and utter boredom, you can be sure that he'll have something to say about it. C3-P0: After having met your father I sincerely doubt that would be the case. BOBA FETT: Don't push me droid! I've got a hot temper and I'm ready for action! C3-P0: Oh dear. Well, I think I shall leave you two boys to get acquainted. I'll be back shortly with a board game that we can all play. I'm fully programmed for every standardized form of card and dice based entertainment. ANAKIN: (sarcastically) Oh Joy. C3-P0 walks to exit where he and Anakin came in. He hesitates for a moment before leaving. C3-P0: Now you boys play nicely. With that, he exits and leaves the two boys standing in the middle of the room. Anakin turns to Boba Fett and tries to make polite conversation. ANAKIN: So... that's a nice helmet you're wearing. BOBA FETT: Thank you. You have nice... hair. Anakin begins silently cursing Obi-Wan. He starts to head over to the spacey looking chairs then suddenly turns back towards Boba Fett. ANAKIN: I think I'm going to leave. You want to come? EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- CITY STREET -- EVENING The boys march through the nightlife of Coruscant like two sailors on shore leave. It is clear that they have become fast friends now as they revel in their freedom. Anakin is licking a popsicle that bears a striking resemblance to Master Yoda's head, while Boba Fett pushes a straw under his helmet to partake of a gelatinous shake from a cup sporting the official logo of the Jedi council. He tries not to spit shake on the inside of his helmet as Anakin and he both laugh uproariously. ANAKIN: So then Mabel says... BOBA FETT: (removing the straw) Stop it you're killing me! ANAKIN: Okay okay. So where do you want to go today? Hmm. I like the sound of that. BOBA FETT: I don't know. When I'm faced with making decisions I sometimes have a hard time thinking straight. I think it's because I eat too much sugar. My mother says that makes me hyper and then I can't calm down. It's like when you're trying to go to sleep and you just can't so you keep turning over and over in your bed until finally its time to get up in the morning and its like you haven't gone to sleep at all. Have you ever tried to sleep with a helmet on? That's a whole other story. ANAKIN: You sure do talk a lot. BOBA FETT: I know. My father tells me that I talk too much. He says people admire someone who says next to nothing and just stands there looking cool. ANAKIN: Do they? BOBA FETT: From what I can tell he's right. That's why he was chosen to represent our people. I've been trying really hard to emulate him but it's not easy. Sometimes I go places and just stand there next to him. I nod when he does and occasionally grunt when someone talks to me but it's just no fun. I want to jump around and say "Hey! Look at me! I'm interesting!" ANAKIN: It must be the sugar. BOBA FETT: Yeah, maybe. They walk a little farther without saying anything. Anakin licks Yoda's head. ANAKIN: (suddenly) You could make faces. BOBA FETT: What do you mean? ANAKIN: You could make faces when you're standing there. Since you've got that mask on no one can see what you're doing. You can stand there looking stoic while at the same time making faces, parroting peoples speech and in general mocking them and having a good time. BOBA FETT: (thinking) That's not a bad idea. ANAKIN: Just trying to help. Anakin finishes off his popsicle and searches for a refuse container to throw the wooden stick into. Seeing none, he pulls up his tunic to put in his pocket. The flashing metal of his lightsaber catches Boba Fett's eye. BOBA FETT: What's that? Boba Fett grabs the lightsaber from Anakin's belt and examines it. ANAKIN: Hey, be careful with that. Anankin tries to take it back but Boba Fett holds it out of reach. BOBA FETT: I've never used one of these before. How do you turn it on? ANAKIN: No, don't! Anakin is too late. Boba Fett activates the switch on the side of the lightsaber and the blade shoots out to his right. A family of vacationing wookies is passing nearby and it just barely nicks the backside of the father of the group. He doesn't seem to notice, however his son, a Lumpy little fellow, becomes quite agitated and begins howling to alert his parents. An elderly gray wookie bringing up the rear stops the child's efforts by rapping him soundly on the head. The family moves on without incident. Anakin snatches back his lightsaber. ANAKIN: Give me that! BOBA FETT: They should put warning labels on those things. "Point away from self". ANAKIN: I don't think the Jedi designed them to be mass marketed to little kids. BOBA FETT: You mean you're a Jedi! ANAKIN: (stammering) Well... I guess you could say... I'm a Jedi in... (Owen suddenly thinks of what Obi-Wan would say in this situation) yes, that's right. I'm a Jedi. BOBA FETT: Wow! Hey look. Boba Fett reaches down and picks up the large piece of hair that was shaved off the wookie's buttocks and waves it in front of Anakin's face. ANAKIN: Get that away from me. BOBA FETT: You don't want it? Great! Boba Fett attaches the hairy item to his costume and wears it with pride. ANAKIN: Why are you doing that? BOBA FETT: People will wonder where I got it. Of course, no one will have the nerve to ask me and I certainly won't tell them. ANAKIN: So? BOBA FETT: So then they'll start to make up stories about this wookie hair. Some will say I killed a wookie in combat when I was totally unarmed. Others will say I won a wookie arm wrestling championship. Some may even go so far as to say it's a wookie scalp I got from being a wookie slave trader. ANAKIN: I think I'm beginning to understand this whole philosophy of your father's. But, can you do me one favor? BOBA FETT: What's that? ANAKIN: Stop saying wookie. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- SEEDY SECTION OF THE CITY -- EVENING The dark windowless building sits quietly in the shadows along side the busy street. It would appear abandoned if it were not for the eleven foot tall tortoise-like creature standing under a red light at the entrance. He seems to be deciding who gets in by either allowing them to pass or turning them away. Those he deems particularly unworthy are snapped up in his beak and swallowed in a rather grotesque display. The neon sign above building can roughly be translated as "TOTALLY ALL NUDE". INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF TENTACLES The poorly lit club is designed to conceal the identity of some of its more important clientele. Anakin and Boba Fett sit quietly at a small table near the empty stage. The waitress had given them both dirty looks when they ordered blue milk but they were still pleased that their plan was working. ANAKIN: (whispering) I can't believe they let us in. BOBA FETT: Why not? You may be a minor but I'm your guardian. That's the beauty of wearing a helmet. I could be four years old and they'd be none the wiser. The lights dim even farther as a show abruptly begins. The stage is flooded with multicolored lights. ANAKIN: Hey, It looks like they're going to have some kind of entertainment. BOBA FETT: Really? Have you been to this place before? ANAKIN: Oh yes, of course. I can't tell you how many times. It was part of my Jedi initiation. BOBA FETT: Oh. I see. The lights begin to swirl a little less quickly as pulsating music is piped into the room. Both boys wait with wide eyes as the curtain parts to reveal the show's star, Madame LaVonda. S She begins her slow and seductive dance of love. The boys both sit with mouths agape. ANAKIN: (whispering) What the hell is that? BOBA FETT: I think that's what "totally all nude" was referring to. Madame LaVonda begins to slowly gyrate on one of her slimy tentacles as she raises the rest of her body and remaining arms into the air. The crowd is pleased and shows their excitement. ANAKIN: Is she nude? I can't tell. BOBA FETT: I can't even be sure it's a she. Like many serpents, Madame LaVonda's tentacles slip by and twist amongst each other to the slow beat of the exotic music. ANAKIN: I find this repulsive somehow. BOBA FETT: (looking at the menu) Not as repulsive as the cost of these drinks. How many credits do you have? ANAKIN: Credits? BOBA FETT: I'll take that as none. Well, I don't think we need to see much more of this filth anyway. We'll need a diversion. Get ready to make a run for the door. ANAKIN: What are you going to do? BOBA FETT: I'm going to improve the entertainment value of this show. ANAKIN: Huh? Boba Fett motions for Anakin to keep quiet for a moment as he sneaks over to the table of a particularly large alien that is entranced by the show. The great mollusk headed alien pounds his flappy arms on the table and roars with a wet gurgling laughter. Boba Fett reaches surreptitiously onto the table and switches the alien's drink with a colorful glass table candle half filled with melted wax. Anakin motions violently for him to stop but Boba Fett is intent on doing it. He sneaks back to the table in the dark. ANAKIN: Are you crazy! He'll kill us. BOBA FETT: We'll be long gone before they figure out what happened. (He raises the glass in his hand and shouts) I'll drink to that! A mighty roar of approval echoes through the room as everyone takes a hearty drink. Anakin watches as the mollusk headed alien grabs the candle obliviously and pours the contents down its throat. The effect is almost immediate. The creature abruptly turns from a dark brown to a bright red hue. It stands up from the table clutching its head. Its neck bulges as if filled with air and a strange bubbling sound is heard. ANAKIN: Uh-oh. It seems that Boba Fett was unaware of the creature's chemical composition as its head suddenly bursts into flames. BOBA FETT: Yikes! As if that were not enough, the alien begins to retch uncontrollably spitting flaming bile and candle wax over the patrons of the club and Madame LaVonda. She shrieks in a tone not unlike the Pillsbury doughboy being sautéed on a hot skillet. ANAKIN: I think it's time to go. Boba Fett stands for a moment admiring his work. It is a moment too long. The alien notices that Boba Fett is holding his drink and immediately puts two and two together despite its head being on fire. He lunges at the boy and catches him by the waist as he turn to run. The alien begins to squeeze. The bartender shouts ineffectually as her customers writhe in pain. BEA: Who let those kids in here! BOBA FETT: Help! I can't breath! In a flash, Anakin whips out his lightsaber and removes the creature's arms from its body. Boba Fett falls to the floor with a thump and struggles to breathe again. A stillness falls over the room as whispers can be heard. WHISPERS: Jedi! MURMURS: Stay back! MADAME LAVONDA: I'm on fire. Can someone put me out? Anakin helps his friend to his feet while casting a wary eye on the rest of the patrons. ANAKIN: That's right. Just back off. I wouldn't want to hurt anyone. (looking down) Except this guy of course. BOBA FETT: Yeah. Don't mess with my friend. He'll force you all to death! Boba Fett slaps Anakin on the back hard. This causes Anakin to lose the already terrified and shaky grip his new mechanical hand had on his weapon and it clatters to the floor and deactivates. They stand still for a moment as he tries to think of a smooth way to pick it back up. WHISPERS: He's just a kid! MURMURS: Let's teach them a lesson. MADAME LAVONDA: Oh the pain! Before they can say anything more, the alien body flares up again as its torso catches fire. Anakin takes this opportunity to snatch up his lightsaber and grab a still panting Boba Fett by the arm. They dive for the door amidst a forest of outstretched appendages. Hope seems lost until the door miraculously swings open, allowing them to tumble through. The mass of angry creatures is stopped as the door slams shut behind them. Both boys sit on the ground panting. Anakin takes out his inhaler and breathes deeply. He then offers it to Boba Fett. BOBA FETT: Eww. No thanks I... Boba Fett stops suddenly. Anakin can see the look of fear in his eyes. Slowly Anakin turns to see the door keeper looming over them, its beak opening slightly. ANAKIN: Don't eat us! DOORKEEPER: Ha ha ha! Don't worry. I just wanted to help you out. You crazy kids! What trouble you caused! ANAKIN: So you're not going to turn us in either? DOORKEEPER: Of course not. You may go. I am friend to all children. Anakin and Boba Fett rise to their feet and thank the mighty turtle creature. It gives both boys some candy and waves goodbye as they make a hasty retreat into the night. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- SENATE GUEST APARTMENTS -- FOYER Senator Palpatine stands in the foyer of the apartment with as close to a sympathetic face as he can muster. The emissary's face would probably have revealed an attitude of concern if his helmet weren't concealing it. We find them in conversation. PALPATINE: I'm sure he's fine. The translator droid said that the boys seemed anxious. They probably just went out for some entertainment. The emissary nods his head. PALPATINE: I can assure you that our fine city is quite safe. The Senate has seen to that. In fact, I can't imagine a place where they would be safer than this city. The emissary tilts his head to the left and gestures with his hands. PALPATINE: Yes, I know. But were we not once boys as well? Sometimes they have to be a little rambunctious. It's all part of growing up. The emissary nods his head again. PALPATINE: You really shouldn't worry so much. The door to the apartment flies open as Boba Fett and Anakin run inside. It appears from the state that they are in that they have not stopped running since leaving the club. PALPATINE: You see, here are the little rascals now. Boba Fett and Anakin both stop short in front of the two men and try to conceal their guilty looks. PALPATINE: I'll be going then. I'll see you off in a few days. Until then, feel free to call on me. My secretary has my schedule. The Senator bows slightly as he bids the emissary farewell. He stops a moment as he sees Anakin. A strange look crosses his face but he then moves on to leave the apartment. EMISSARY: (pointing at Boba Fett) You. The emissary walks back towards the dining room. BOBA FETT: Oh man. He's really mad. Boba Fett's mother calls him from within the apartment. MOMMA FETT: Boba! Come eat dinner. We've been waiting all evening. And tell your friend that he's invited to stay. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- SENATE GUEST APARTMENTS -- DINING ROOM Anakin follows Boba Fett into the dining room and seats himself at the table. The rest of the family is already there. Boba Fett's father sits at one head of the table while his mother sits at the other. Across from Anakin, sits Boba Fett's older sister and baby brother. Anakin notes that they all wear helmets of a similar design. Boba Fett's mother passes plates of food to the two boys. She is the first to speak. MOMMA FETT: We're very happy you boys made it back. We were all worried. BOBA FETT: Sorry. MOMMA FETT: Well lets forget about it for now. Why don't you introduce us to your friend? BOBA FETT: This is Anakin. ANAKIN: I'm very pleased to meet all of you. Boba Fett looks at Anakin and shakes his head slightly. ANAKIN: I mean... hello. BOBA FETT: Anakin, this is my mother. MOMMA FETT: Nice to meet you. BOBA FETT: This is my father. POPPA FETT: Hello. BOBA FETT: And this is my baby brother. BABY FETT: Gaaaiiiaaaooo! Boba Fett returns to eating. MOMMA FETT: Boba, aren't you forgetting someone? BOBA FETT: Huh? Oh yeah. That's my sister over there. JENNIFER: Like it's a real thrill for me. Anakin notices a long blonde ponytail coming from underneath her helmet. He makes a mental note of that so he can remember who is who. MOMMA FETT: Will you be staying over tonight, Anakin? BOBA FETT: Yeah, stay over! I've got lots of cool toys. ANAKIN: I don't know. I'm staying at the Jedi training center. They may be worried about me. MOMMA FETT: I'll let them know you're here right after dinner. We'll see what they say. JENNIFER: Another brat around the house, what fun. MOMMA FETT: There's no reason for that attitude young lady. Just eat your dinner. JENNIFER: How can I with this stupid helmet on? Why are we wearing these things? We're not warriors we're farmers. Anakin bristles at the term and decides to change the conversation. ANAKIN: Does everyone in your family wear those helmets? JENNIFER: (snidely) Does everyone in your family have a metal arm? MOMMA FETT: Just hush now dear. She's tired from all our recent travelling but we'll be going home soon. POPPA FETT: Yes. MOMMA FETT: Oh that's right. Boba and you will be going back for a day tomorrow. It's the father/son picnic they've been planning. BOBA FETT: I forgot about that! JENNIFER: You didn't you little snot head. Just keep rubbing it in. POPPA FETT: Jenny! JENNIFER: Alright! (looking at her dinner) I can't wait to go home. MOMMA FETT: Do you want to go, Anakin? ANAKIN: Where? MOMMA FETT: To the father/son picnic. ANAKIN: Well, I'd have to, I mean... Anakin suddenly starts thinking about his father and Owen. He can only imagine the fun they are having together at the expo. He is jealous of his brother even now that he has exposed the family secret. He wishes he could get back at them. ANAKIN: Yes. I'll go. EXTERIOR: SPACE -- MANDALORIAN MINIVAN A boxy looking spacecraft slowly pushes its way across the expanse of space. It approaches a blue-green planet surrounded by two large moons. INTERIOR: SPACECRAFT -- COCKPIT Boba Fett and his father sit side by side in the front seat of the craft while Anakin and a very peeved looking Obi-Wan Kenobi sit in the two seats behind. A jaunty Mandalorian song is playing on the sub space radio. ANAKIN: Are we there yet? POPA FETT: No. ANAKIN: Are we there yet? POPA FETT: No. ANAKIN: Are we there yet? POPA FETT: ... Obi-Wan stops staring out the window for a moment and leans over to Anakin. KENOBI: Anakin please, I only agreed to come along with you on this trip because of what happened last night. ANAKIN: Yoda really let you have it didn't he? KENOBI: That's Master Yoda to you, and no he did not. He merely discussed what steps we could take to make your visit more enjoyable. ANAKIN: Sure he did. KENOBI: The point is, I'd like to think we can be friends but only on the condition that you behave. I can't be watching your every move on this outing. I have to feel I can trust you. ANAKIN: Of course you can trust me. I'm a Jedi knight in training. Besides, today you're my father. Obi-Wan falls back in his chair and closes his eyes. KENOBI: (weakly) Are we there yet? EXTERIOR: PLANET DANAI -- PARKING AREA -- DAY The Fett family spacecraft flies into a docking area that is covered with all manner of transportation. After a suitably sized spot is found the craft settles down and a team of service droids begin working on the ship before the passengers even have time to debark. Boba Fett flips one of them a quarter as he walks by. EXTERIOR: PLANET DANAI -- PICNIC AREA -- DAY It is a virtual freak show as aliens, humanoid and non, travel about the picnic in pairs. Every tall, slimy, eight eyed beast is accompanied by an equally repulsive yet smaller version. It is a landmark year for the annual picnic as it is the first time species of a hermaphroditic type have been allowed to participate, thereby altering slightly the father/son theme. Anakin and Obi-Wan sit at a large wooden picnic bench covered with a red checkered tablecloth. Behind them, a tauntaun slowly rotates on a spit as hungry aliens salivate while waiting to bite into its seared flesh. Anakin is busy shoveling food into his mouth while Obi-Wan studies an orange sheet of paper. KENOBI: Let's see, we could try the Jawa throwing competition. ANAKIN: Nah. KENOBI: It says the three-legged race has been canceled due to lack of eligible participants. An enormous creature stomps by on its way to the food tent. KENOBI: And it appears that the pie-eating contest is right out. ANAKIN: How about arm wrestling? KENOBI: I don't see it listed. ANAKIN: Figures. KENOBI: Aha! This looks like fun, an egg toss. Have you ever tried that? Anakin glances over at the paper in between bites. ANAKIN: We don't throw eggs where I come from. KENOBI: Well I think it's time you tried something new. Come on. Owen reluctantly gets up, taking his plate with him. Obi Wan and the boy make their way to the signup booth and are soon after standing on the field of battle. EXTERIOR: DANAI -- TOSSING FIELD -- DAY Two long rows of fathers and sons stand opposite each other. An announcer starts making a prolonged statement over the speaker system. The tongue is one that Anakin is not familiar with. ANAKIN: What is he saying? (to Obi-Wan) Can you understand? KENOBI: Of course I can. He's saying "everyone show their competitive spirit!" ANAKIN: Really? KENOBI: Would I lie? The announcement eventually stops. An astromech droid with a basket attached to its top, rolls down one side of the line until each the fathers have taken an egg. Through necessity, the event is "hands optional". Many prepare to sling, bump or blow the eggs using various odd appendages. The first throw begins and almost half the participants are immediately taken out. The eggs, when unsuccessfully caught, explode violently, spraying a viscous purple substance on the loser. Anakin catches his with ease using his non-metal hand. KENOBI: Good show, Anakin! ANAKIN: Thanks. KENOBI: Watch this. Every one takes a step back. And the next volley begins. Obi-Wan closes his eyes and still catches the egg with one hand. ANAKIN: Show off! Another step back is taken, then another throw. Anakin turns his back this time and holds his hand out behind him. The egg falls neatly into his palm. KENOBI: (laughing) Well well, perhaps you should be a Jedi in training! ANAKIN: Very funny. This time Anakin hurls the egg straight at Obi-Wan. Still, he catches it with ease between his thumb and forefinger. KENOBI: (laughing harder) Easy now, Anakin. Let's not lose our chance at winning! The contest continues. Fathers and sons leave the field either laughing or cursing depending primarily on which one is covered with purple embryonic fluid. Soon there are only two teams left. Obi-Wan and Anakin versus Senator Zorba and his son Jabba. ZORBA: Wu guona leeku aka dinguu donguu! JABBA: Ana eautu aka fruutu payu! On the next throw, Jabba "accidentally" swings his tail just as Anakin is catching the egg. It hits the boy in the back of the knees causing him to falter but he still manages to hold on to the egg. KENOBI: (to Zorba) You had better keep that boy of yours in line. You wouldn't want to be unfair now would you? ZORBA: Ohh, uasa maddah? Leetu suzzei que kan tekei? The eggs are thrown back and this time Zoba gives Obi-Wan a mighty whack. Again, he still manages to catch the egg. ANAKIN: Stop cheating! KENOBI: Don't worry, Anakin. Let's just continue. ANAKIN: But they... KENOBI: Anakin. The boy says no more. Both teams take two steps back this time as the crowd is getting tired of this game. Obi-Wan winks at Anakin before he throws. As the eggs fly into the air, Obi- Wan suddenly shouts. KENOBI: Look at the size of that cream filling! Both hutts are dazed for a moment as they search frantically for the source of Obi-Wan's excitement. The recognize the hoax too late and Jabba is covered with a purple ooze as the egg explodes over his head. Anakin catches his egg neatly. A cheer goes up from the crowd. ANAKIN: We won! He runs to Obi-Wan and grabs the Jedi while jumping up and down ecstatically. ANAKIN: We won! We won! KENOBI: Easy, Anakin. You'll crush me with that arm of yours! EXTERIOR: DANAI -- AWARD CEREMONY -- DAY A stately fanfare plays as Anankin and Obi-Wan march down the isle to receive their egg toss medals. A thunderous round of applause breaks out when they reach the stage and their prizes are bestowed upon them. EXTERIOR: DANAI -- PICNIC AREA -- DAY Obi-Wan sits and talks with Poppa Fett as Boba and Anakin play at a nearby pond. Anakin is wearing his medal proudly. He still holds the unbroken egg they won with. BOBA FETT: Are you gonna carry that thing around all day? ANAKIN: Why not? BOBA FETT: It just looks stupid that's all. ANAKIN: Fine. Anakin throws the egg into the pond. BOBA FETT: Wait! What did you do that for?! ANAKIN: Why? Did you want to wear it or something? BOBA FETT: Didn't you hear the announcement?! You're not supposed to get those eggs wet! They're mynock eggs! ANAKIN: So? Boba Fett doesn't have the chance to respond before the pond where Anakin threw the egg starts bubbling and spewing forth a noxious smelling gas. Within seconds, a young mynock pulls its way out of the sticky miasma and spreads its wings. Anakin is intrigued at first. Soon however, the mynock decides to seek out its first meal and makes the top of Anakin's head its primary target. Anakin tries to bat the creature away as it attempts to perch on him. He begins running away in fear. He tears out of the picnic area as a confused Obi-Wan looks on. Anakin runs so far from the picnic that he loses his direction. The mynock has still not given up. Anakin runs right past a quarantine warning sign. KENOBI: Anakin wait! ANAKIN: It's in my hair! The boy continues to run. The mynock begins nesting on his head by pulling at his hair with its rows of teeth and searching for a place to start sucking. By this time Anakin is in a frenzy. He bolts through the forest, pulling madly at his head to remove the creature. Suddenly he enters a clearing. There are stacked boxes as far as the eye can see. They all with the letters B.R.U. stamped on the sides. As he runs past them, Anakin can hear a plaintive wail coming from inside. He keeps running until he reaches a group of Mandalorian security guards drinking coffee. ANAKIN: Help me! It's in my hair! The guards say nothing. One of them raises his blaster and aims it straight at Anakin and fires. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- SENATE MEDICAL CENTER -- DAY Anakin wakes up on a black table. He hears voices coming from just outside the room and remains still. TARKIN: Senator Palpatine will be very displeased when he hears this. Transfer of the B.R.U. compound is top secret. I can't believe you let him enter the quarantine zone. There is a pause. TARKIN: I'm sure you don't see it as a problem, however, this puts the entire operation at risk. We've completely moved our facility from Sullust to the unfinished Bogan building and the risk of the Jedi council finding out is now dangerously high. Another pause. TARKIN: And what do you think we should do with the boy? (talking to someone else) Doctor, what is his condition? DOCTOR: He is stable. The mynock had to be removed at the expense of the boy's hair but other than that he will be fine. His condition was mostly due to shock. Anakin reaches to his head and feels a fleshy dome where his hair once was. TARKIN: What did you tell the Jedi? DOCTOR: Just as you instructed, I told him the boy had been exposed to the Rodian virus and the outlook was grim. TARKIN: Excellent. That makes it all the more easy for us to dispatch the little cretin without raising suspicion. Anakin starts visibly. Then, he quietly climbs off the table and creeps over to the doorway. The voices continue for a time and Anakin listens to every word. After they finish, he finds a ventilation duct in the wall and quickly makes his escape. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- JEDI TRAINING CENTER -- AFTERNOON Anakin bursts into Master Yoda's quarters. He is covered with filth and hacks incessantly from the dust he has just crawled through. He stumbles into the room and falls to the floor. Yoda looks at him from atop his lay-z-droid chair. YODA: Wipe feet did you? KENOBI: Anakin! What are you doing here?! Anakin looks around the room and notices both Obi-Wan and PADME are seated across from Yoda. Then, someone leans forward after having been obscured by the arm of a very comfortable couch and reveals himself. OWEN: You don't look so good. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- DOWNTOWN -- LATE AFTERNOON The group walks quickly along the city streets. Anakin, Owen, Obi-Wan, PADME and Master Yoda look strangely like a family as they travel along together. The tone of the conversation however, is dead serious. KENOBI: Cloning? ANAKIN: That's right. I heard them say that the new facility is almost complete. KENOBI: But the Senate has expressly forbid the study of cloning. Palpatine was one of its most ardent opponents. YODA: Maybe he not like competition? KENOBI: But how are the Mandalorians involved? ANAKIN: That I'm not sure of. PADME: Palpatine has been authorizing the transfer of something called B.R.U. to a private address here in the city. I assumed it was something for his personal use. I'm not aware of any ores or chemicals that the Mandalorians would have to sell. ANAKIN: They said that B.R.U. was the key ingredient! The fact that I saw it was going to get me killed. KENOBI: Alright, Anakin. Let's not get over-dramatic. When we get to the Bogan building we'll sort everything out. YODA: Must hurry. Palpatine remove evidence if slow we are. KENOBI: Right, Master Yoda. (to PADME) Perhaps you should go home. This could be dangerous. PADME: I have to go with you. I'm the only one who knows all of the Senator's security codes. KENOBI: Tell them to me. I don't want you getting hurt. PADME: (irked) All right then. Any color pad beginning with a blue light has a code starting with the number seven. If the next light is yellow, then a three digit, even number sequence beginning with two finishes out the code. He doesn't use that one very often. If the second color is mauve, then you must find the tangent of the first number, which is seven only if the first light was blue, and multiply that with... KENOBI: (interrupting) Oh fine, you can come with us. PADME: Gee thanks. Anakin and his brother Owen begin their own conversation. ANAKIN: What are you doing here anyway. OWEN: Do you really want to know? ANAKIN: Yes. OWEN: Well, you probably don't want to hear this but, the vehicle exposition on Corellia was cancelled and moved here. ANAKIN: No way! OWEN: It's true. ANAKIN: Then why aren't you there with dad? OWEN: No reason. I just... thought I'd see how you were doing. You know, your arm and everything. ANAKIN: Oh Yeah. OWEN: And now your hair. ANAKIN: Right. Anakin stares at his brother very seriously. OWEN: What? ANAKIN: You're missing the expo just to come see me. OWEN: (shrugs) I guess so. The boys say no more on the subject. Yoda however, is busy talking to himself. YODA: Great danger I sense ahead. Evil forces at work. Never should have left restaurant. Good job mother says it is. Not for me I say. Ohhhh. Waiter not important job like Jedi Master. Annoying blue headed customer not that bad. So Charlie always have to make new order again and again. I say, "Sir, you want hamburger?" he say, "yes". He never like what he get and we start all over. Fun days those were. By this time the entire group is listening to master Yoda and all are thoroughly confused. He notices their interest and waves his clawed hand. YODA: Never mind. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- BOGAN BUILDING -- RIGHT BEFORE DINNER The Bogan building looms over the city with a foreboding look. It appears to be unfinished primarily at the lower levels. Yoda and PADME enter first. Obi-Wan keeps the boys outside. KENOBI: You boys stay here. I don't want you getting hurt. OWEN: Do you say that to everybody? KENOBI: Just wait outside until we've made sure it's safe. ANAKIN: (giving him the thumbs up) You got it! Obi-Wan turns and enters the building. OWEN: That's it? We're just going to stand here. ANAKIN: Of course not. You know they want us to come along. Why do you think they brought us this far? It's just their duty as responsible adults to pretend to want us to stay here. When we meet up later on and suddenly get in the way they'll act surprised but that's about it. I've seen it in just about every movie ever made. OWEN: I've seen all the same movies you have. ANAKIN: Then I guess you weren't paying attention. Now, lets find a way to get up there. INTERIOR: BOGAN BUILDING -- JUST A MINUTE OR TWO LATER The area is covered in plastic and construction materials. As the group reaches the center of the gigantic room, the doors snap shut behind them. KENOBI: They must know we're coming. YODA: Good. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- BOGAN BUILDING Anakin and Owen are quickly lifted up the side of the tower on a levitating construction platform. Owen clings to his brother as the tiny platform was only designed for one. OWEN: I don't think this is a good idea. ANAKIN: Sure it is. We'll be there in no time. OWEN: Can't you just climb up using the strength of your mechanical arm? ANAKIN: Don't make me hit you. INTERIOR: BOGAN BUILDING Before Obi-Wan can ask why, the room is filled with laser fire. Yoda and Obi-Wan seem to ignite their lightsabers even before the shooting starts. PADME ducks behind a crate and pulls out a blaster. Yoda's lightsaber appears to reach out for every laser blast in the room as he bobs and weaves across the floor. Mandalorian troops spill into the room while unloading their weapons on the Jedi. They realize too late, the folly of revealing themselves. Yoda is upon them like a little green sphere of death. He passes each soldier so quickly that they don't notice they've been struck until a second after he is gone and their bodies fall out from under them. Obi-Wan expertly deflects the laser beams up to where troops have begun firing down on them. For every Mandalorian shot there is a reflection and a subsequent hit to a fellow soldier. EXTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- BOGAN BUILDING A laser bolt shoots out of the Bogan building, hitting the levitation platform. OWEN: Somebody shot us! The platform's power unit crackles and smokes as it begins to short out. ANAKIN: It will hold. A rain of laser bolts then explodes from the building. OWEN: Look out! Anakin and Owen jump off the platform just before it receives the brunt of the attack and explodes. They cling to the side of the building, standing on a narrow ledge. Owen is straining to hold on. OWEN: Now what do we do? ANAKIN: Just wait a minute. I'm thinking. Another barrage of laser blasts heads their way exploding the stonework all around them. The wind picks up considerably and both boys are nearly swept off the side of the tower along with the exploding debris. Anakin pulls out his lightsaber and prepares to cut a hole in the wall in front of him. To his surprise, a few bolts that would have struck him ricochet off its blade. ANAKIN: Did you see that?! Owen screams through the lasers and dusty rock explosions. OWEN: Shut up and cut the damn hole! INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- BOGAN BUILDING Yoda leads the way, cutting down soldier after soldier with the grace of a bird in flight. Obi-Wan cleans up any remaining troops as he goes while PADME covers the rear. The troupe continues making their way up the structure of the building until they find themselves faces with a large door. A series of plants surround the structure. Perched in the branches of these plants are a number of ominous looking lizards. Yoda heads for the door but Obi-Wan calls for him to stop. KENOBI: Master Yoda, be careful! YODA: (turning back to Obi-Wan) What is so wrong with you? KENOBI: I believe those creatures are salamandari. YODA: Find them interesting do you? No time to look at lizards now. Go to pet store later. Yoda continues walking. KENOBI: You don't understand, Master Yoda. They say these creatures drain the force! Yoda stops dead in his tracks. He turns slowly and faces Obi-Wan. YODA: Who says this? KENOBI: Well, I've heard it told. YODA: Obi-Wan has heard it told. KENOBI: Yes. YODA: Obi-Wan hears that little lizard stop force. KENOBI: Er, yes. YODA: Same force Yoda use? Energy created by life itself. Spiritual power of entire universe. Lizard just drain it away. KENOBI: Well... YODA: Yoda glad he teach you to become Jedi. You listen very good. Make sense that tiny animal destroy balance of universe. Glad Obi-Wan here to tell Yoda such things. Hmmpphhh! Yoda walks to the door and raises his hand. His eyes close. The door begins to creak and strain. In an instant it explodes inward with a sound that is deafening. The remaining metal is torn and pushed aside as though it were in a near molten state. Yoda looks back at Obi-Wan and shakes his head. He then turns around, muttering as he passes through door. Obi-Wan dejectedly follows. YODA: Wish I could have used force to do that. Oh well, tiny lizards much too powerful for me. KENOBI: I get the point! INTERIOR: BOGAN BUILDING -- HALLWAY Anakin and Owen jump though the hole they carved in the wall and slip off the rubble on the floor. OWEN: Now where do we go? Anakin walks for a bit until he hears some noise. He sizes up the direction of the sound and cuts a hole in the wall in that general direction. He steps through and Owen follows. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- BOGAN BUILDING Obi-Wan and PADME follow Yoda into a tight corridor. The Jedi Master stops for a moment and listens. The corridor suddenly splits apart at waist height. Yoda are is carries to the left as Obi-Wan and PADME are knocked over to the right. Yoda has disappeared from sight by the time Obi-Wan helps PADME to her feet. KENOBI: Master Yoda! Master Yoda! PADME: He must not be able to hear us. The two make their way along the dark passage they have been thrown into. After several minutes it leads to a much larger room encircled by white computer monitors. They are completely surrounded by these fixtures. KENOBI: What is this? PADME: I don't know. The monitors suddenly change color from white to black. The change is temporary though. Something far more terrifying than darkness forms on the screens. It is difficult to make out at first but Obi-Wan and PADME soon can see what it is. KENOBI: Good Lord! No! PADME: That can't be what I think it is! KENOBI: Don't look at it! PADME: Hold me, Obi-Wan! The two are paralyzed with fear. The image faces them from all directions. Such horror beyond imagination has never been revealed before. They both close their eyes and pray. What seems like hours pass. A large explosion is the answer to their prayers as Anakin cuts through one of the screens with his lightsaber. A chain reaction blows the other screens as well until PADME and Obi- Wan are safe again. Owen and Yoda follow close behind as Anakin steps through the hole he has made. ANAKIN: There you are. PADME: Oh thank you, Anakin! I'll never call you a gimpy little brat again! ANAKIN: Thanks. YODA: (to Obi-Wan) Why you not stay with Yoda? Your way better? KENOBI: Master Yoda, I (turning green) I can't speak to you right now. YODA: Yoda glad too see you too. Owen stand in one corner of the room looking at a small display that has remained unbroken. Obi-Wan notices him. KENOBI: Owen, don't look! Anakin walks over and looks with his brother. They both crinkle their faces in disgust. OWEN: It's Master Yoda and he's... ANAKIN: Butt-naked. YODA: Hmmm? PADME: Oh please make it stop! Yoda shuffles over to the boys and pushes them aside to look at the screen. He shakes his head silently. KENOBI: Master Yoda, where did that come from? YODA: Internet it is. Never know what one may find there. No more time to admire Yoda's body. Must go. Yoda speeds out the door with the tow boys following. PADME and Obi-Wan reluctantly follow as well. INTERIOR: CORUSCANT -- BOGAN ROTUNDA -- THRONE ROOM -- WHENEVER The door bursts open and everybody walks in. Senator Palpatine sits calmly in his big ass chair. PALPATINE: I'm glad you all could make it. KENOBI: I'm glad you found a suitably high area for our conflict where you will then fall to your death thereby leaving me blameless. PALPATINE: Foolish Jedi. I have no intention of fighting. KENOBI: Then you will submit to arrest? PALPATINE: Don't make me laugh. It's not a pleasant sound. YODA: Show why you brought us here. KENOBI: (to Master Yoda) What do you mean? PALPATINE: What he means, is that I allowed you to know of this facility. I knew my secret was out once the boy found the B.R.U. compound so I used him to lure you here. ANAKIN: Oh you're rotten! PALPATINE: Yes I am. But as you'll soon be facing your death, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to reveal my entire plan KENOBI: Saves us the trouble of figuring it out. Palpatine swivels evilly in his chair. PALPATINE: At first I was against cloning. I thought tampering with nature was immoral. (INSERT BIG SPEECH HERE) And now... you will die. The floor of the chamber suddenly starts to move. It splits in half as a platform rises out of the center. Jets of steam bellow out from its sides in an impressive display. A single figure is revealed, standing among a cloud of white smoke. PADME: Admiral Tarkin! PALPATINE: Yes. And he's brought some of his... friends. The steam clears completely and reveals that Tarkin is not alone. He is surrounded by a mass of fluffy white creatures. A pregnant pause fills the room. KENOBI: Sheep? PALPATINE: Not just any sheep. (leaning forward in his chair) Do you notice something different about them? There is another pause. KENOBI: No. PALPATINE: Perhaps they strike you as remarkably symmetrical? KENOBI: I wouldn't say so. Senator Palpatine scowls as he never has before. PALPATINE: They're clones you idiot. Bred from the same perfect specimen. The most genetically perfect race of sheep you will ever see. And now, they are mine. PADME: That's what you were importing from Danai. You didn't need a cloning chemical, you wanted the animals themselves. PALPATINE: That's right. Cloning is a simple process requiring only a few basic elements. The vital component is a master mold. OWEN: You'll be the greatest farmer in the galaxy! PALPATINE: Young fool. Do you think I have such mundane intentions? My children are not meant for commerce. They will serve me. As my army, they will sweep across the galaxy and crush my foes, including your precious Jedi council. Tarkin. TARKIN: Yes, sir. PALPATINE: Command my soldiers to dispose of these nuisances. Tarkin kneels and begins talking to his cumulous subordinates. It sounds as though they are answering him as they baa and bleat sporadically. Tarkin stands up. TARKIN: I don't think they understand me, sir. PALPATINE: What do you mean? TARKIN: Well, I was going to tell you sooner but you were so busy setting up the big trap and the salamandari and the whole rising platform effect that I didn't want to disturb you. PALPATINE: So you haven't trained them at all. TARKIN: No, sir. PALPATINE: Not to march in formation? TARKIN: No. PALPATINE: Handle lightsabers? TARKIN: That was particularly difficult, sir. PALPATINE: Not even to chew viciously on someone's leg? TARKIN: I think you may be confused, sir. There is no such thing, as far as I am aware, as an attack sheep. Palpatine sits back in his chair. PALPATINE: (to group) It appears you have me at a disadvantage. The silence so heavy that even the sheep notice. ANAKIN: I am astounded by the stupidity of everything you just said. YODA: (turning to leave) Miss dinner for this? EXTERIOR: OUTSIDE KENOBI: Well that really sucked. OWEN: I kind of enjoyed it. ANAKIN: You would. YODA: What now? PADME: I'm going home. KENOBI: I guess that's all we have left to do. Anakin smiles mischievously at Obi-Wan. ANAKIN: You know what we could do? Anakin nods his head repeatedly at Obi-Wan. KENOBI: Oh, all right. But I'm not buying you anything. They all turn and head for the expo. ANAKIN: Oh come on. How about a speeder? KENOBI: No. ANAKIN: A skyhopper? KENOBI: Anakin... YODA: Obi-Wan... DISSOLVE TO: EXTERIOR: GALAXY -- SPACE END CREDITS FADE IN AND OUT OVER BACKGROUND THE END SYNOPSIS OF EPISODE II - THE CLONE WARS After having successfully trained his army, Palpatine begins his assault on the Jedi. Scores are cut down at the knees by the rampaging animals. Obi-Wan leads the battle against them with Anakin at his side. However, as time goes by, the loss of limbs and constant asthma attacks catch up with Anakin. The final straw comes when Obi-Wan mistakenly slices into Anakin's head with his lightsaber claiming that he thought it was a cantaloupe. Anakin leaves the Jedi and turns to Palpatine to facilitate his revenge. Yoda, being particularly short, is impervious to the clone attacks but soon realizes that the fun has gone out of being a Jedi master and he subsequently purchases a small parcel of land on the retirement planet of Dagobah. SYNOPSIS OF EPISODE III - SEEDS OF CHANGE This episode deals primarily with the adventures and romantic exploits of Owen Lars as he struggles to create the ultimate farm. He soon meets the enchanting Beru and they fall madly and deeply in love. Obi-Wan decides to give up on the whole idea of being a Jedi and moves out to the desert. His final hurrah is stealing Anakin's two children and giving them away. Palpatine declares himself Emperor and uses Anakin, now going by the name Darth Vader for tax reasons, to destroy all of his enemies. Elsewhere in the galaxy a young Han Solo's mother purchases him his first pair of striped pants. DerUberMax(tm)